Sunday, January 30, 2011

To a hundred billion castaways..

Got up a little early today. Saw Adi smiling in sleep.

Sat quiet for some time. Have been little restless for few days. Some of my friends unhappy with their work and/or life, some of them bored and listless and worst still, some of them showing signs of desolation.

Last night Adi took a promise from me, to buy a yellow engine train for him next month. For next few weeks he will be happy waiting for and later playing with that train. I never see him bored. I think if we have a dream or something to look forward to, it is unlikely that we will get bored easily.

Not many of us face any dreamlessness in early years. In middle school, I was fascinated about comics, later I looked forward to score well in matriculation, and then I found myself looking for a job, and after that for a partner.

Possibly we can exclude ‘look for a partner’ from some of our friends who care or dream only about their job or are just over ambitious; and those who carry too high expectations; and also those who have apparently stopped just because it could not work out so far.

I know some friends of mine, extremely talented, those have chosen to take up a job commensurate to meet their family life requirements. They do repent, sometimes, of not following their dreams.

I also know some friends, equally talented, and have chosen to follow their dreams, but not been able to adjust to a family life. They too repent, of not settling with the marriage and its blessings, at right time.

Dreams demand madness (or selfishness) and marriage demands adjustments (or sacrifice). This remains the dilemma of our lives. And we become what we choose.

But when go too fast and focused on our dreams, and when we have all that we wanted, the question of ‘what next’ comes haunting.We end up growing faster than our age, to some of us, who have been in the habit of achieving our goals quick and early, mid life crisis too comes a little early. We get confused with what we have achieved and what we could have achieved. We get bored easily but at the same time feel very reluctant to come out of the comfort zone.

Marriage helps..

My personal view is marriage helps. You could be lucky enough to get a partner who supports you following dreams. Though it may take a lifetime to realize whether you were actually lucky. But such partners are worth all the hunt and the heartburn.

Even otherwise, I prefer marriage. Happiness comes to us in many forms. These are not necessarily the ones we could actually dream or anticipate. But we need to ‘Open Up’ and must not confine ourselves just because of an unfulfilled dream or choice.

I travel, read, and make new friends. I believe, they are amazing levelers. And I have found that this world offers more than we could ever dream of.

..handling an early mid life crisis

Mid life crisis does come to all of us, sooner or later, perceptibly or actually.

Possibly the most important thing we need to learn is how to keep the right balance between work and personal time. Imbalance is understandable if it exists for sometime (say for a month or so), but beyond that, it definitely requires an action from our side. And that includes taking some risks. Otherwise it may fill us with an annoying sense of purposelessness.

Options are plenty, if we look for those. Plan two vacations in advance. Duration doesn’t matter much but try to keep it short. Go to the places or people you really like to visit. The best part is, when first vacation is getting over, you know that very soon the next will follow. Hobbies help; may be joining a fitness program or tennis classes too; it could also be learning guitar or harmonica again.

Most of us know now that there is no end to where we can reach or of how much we can earn; but we must remember that its just one life for all of us. Nothing comes in between when we try do what we love to do. And it is never late to try.

You may never know an old friend is just waiting for you to join in the return journey..

..Walked out this morning I don’t believe what I saw
A hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore
Seems I’m not alone at being alone
A hundred billion castaways all looking for a home..

(John Mayer, Message in a bottle) 


Cranium said...

6 down. You are doing good in 2011.

How do we know said...

bahut introspection hai yahaan...

advice also, pls , for times when your dream is running so fast you dont know how to keep pace.. when God puts your dream in a Rajdhani and makes you (a mail train) the engine of the Rajdhani? You smile in ur dream every night for sure.. par korbo ki?

Pinku said...

agree with HDWK...a lot of introspection here...also some brutal truths about the age and what it brings along.

I call my hubby my partner and it confuses many people for they assume we are not married. But the reason we dont use the words husband/wife is like marriage, they seem to have gathered a lot of negative, binding qualities. A partnership on the otherhand seems to be about equals, a relation of choice...not of compulsion or adjustment.

and like you I can say that all the wait and heartburn is worth it, if you can find the right partner :)

Makes everything worth it!!

Mysore Ravindra said...

A well thought of article which shows the depth of your thought process & your take on life!

Manish Raj said...

@ HDWK, Pinku

I remain and will always be a dreamer. I believe in pursuing a dream or purpose in life.

I just wanted to add that:

1. Getting too dream oriented may impact our companionability; which may fill us with emptiness later on in life. Marriage helps because:

• If you have pre-discussed your priorities with your partner and you both have a mental agreement, it helps in achieving those dreams;
• Even otherwise, the companionship offers newer paths and moments in life (that we may not have dreamt about initially).

2. If we go too fast towards our dreams without actually enjoying the path, we may end up into a situation when ‘what next’ comes too early in life. Therefore it is better:

• To keep the right balance and enjoy other aspects of life as well – like hobbies, traveling, etc
• There is no point keeping stand all the time. Being flexible helps in moving on, towards newer hopes and happiness.

Mampi said...

you realized in 2011 that mid life crisis hits all? what was I doing then? i guess i was still running around those trees singing songs.

Manish Raj said...

@ Mampi - I never stopped singing songs around the trees..though I have learnt few things from others lives.. and have learnt how to prioritize :)

Abhi said...

Monu bhaiya... loved the narration and the comments.... What can I say, with the new addition to the family, I have started getting an early flavor of what you are talking about.

I too, you may say was running :) My most sincere apologies for not calling till now. Will do soon!

Regards, Rishu