Saturday, April 26, 2008

A Half-lived Life

It was going to dawn. Adi had made a movement while sleeping.

‘He has learnt to dance like a bear’, Kuhoo told me last night. He had slept when I reached back home.

I looked at him for sometime. It’s a fantasy looking at a sleeping child. I saw the peace and the energy he had on his face. I don’t remember when I slept like him last time. It must be long back.

I got up finally and stood near the window. It was drizzling outside.

I remembered my small home town. How difficult it became walking on roads during rainy season; and those green trees and the color of sky. I don’t see those trees these days, and the sky, perhaps never.

Our life today is filled with immense opportunities and responsibilities. Today we all have a target to run against. When I was in school, I toiled to score good marks in board exams to get admission in a good college. Reached a college, but then someone told me not to pay much attention towards things those look interesting. Got a job, but then I had to work hard to learn ‘how to work’. And since then I am learning. The ‘target’ still eludes me.

During bygone years of ‘meeting the target’ I have lost track of sacrifices and of that much I already missed.

‘Pappa’, I heard. Adi was sitting on the bed and smiling. I spread my arms. He stood up and starting dancing. The bear dance.

He was very happy. He sees me everyday. But still he was happy just seeing me. I don’t think I will ever do that seeing anyone. I don’t think I will ever be happy like him either.

I decided I will follow Adi today. I decided not to see the clock. Not to pick up any phone. Like him I will look at every thing for a few seconds more than I normally do.

Rain has started. Adi was looking outside with increased interest, occasionally stretching his hands. ‘Don’t let him get wet’, Kuhoo spoke changing sides on the bed.

I came out with Adi. We stood near a small verandah. We could see and hear the splatter of raindrops. Adi was talking to me in his own words. Perhaps he was trying to convince himself that he doesn’t want to go out. But I surprised him. I left him free. He stood ahead of me for sometime and looked back.

‘Go ahead’, I smiled. He stretched his arm and started stepping ahead. Seeing that I am not stopping, he lifted his face started his bear dance in the rain. I kept looking at him. He giggled, danced and frolicked.

Most of us don’t know what we want. And those who know still keep themselves in shackles. Actually I too wanted to enjoy the rain like him but did not want to get wet as well. ‘Does it make any sense anyway’, I tried to reconcile. But finally I decided to follow Adi.

Stepping out, I too faced the raindrops on my face.

That was the moment after a long long time I found myself gripped with nostalgia of my childhood fun days. I too danced. Though, Adi was still the better of the two.

When we stopped, we found Kuhoo standing at the door and looking at us in disbelief. We had a small lecture session on why should we avoid catching cold, but we, the partners of crime only smiled looking at each other. Soon we were treated with an affectionate hug and hot soup.

That day, I watched my son through out the day. I realized what I miss everyday.

Indeed friends, most of us live a half-life without even realizing that there is just one life for each one of us. And there is nothing wrong or right, logical or illogical, stupid or wise till the time you don’t hurt anyone and are true to your emotions.

Be yourself.

** Kuhoo and Adi