Thursday, November 4, 2010

My Father's eyes..

There is little bit of chilliness in westerly winds today. Smells like early onset of winter season.

I remember it was one of these days when the letter came from Kolkata. Sonu had cleared the DMET entrance exam. My father almost cried as he blessed, “May you always be happy”.

I really never cared much about why our elders spoke ‘be happy’ almost instantaneously when we conveyed regards to them.

I always construed happiness as an outcome; like getting a good job or life partner. ‘Be happy’ somewhat, meant ‘be successful’ to me.

A long time has gone by since I joined the race to be successful. Am not sure whether I could make it as the definition of success changed at each turn. But quietly, I kept running.

The rainbows were still far when I heard that my father passed away (last 15 October) unattended. We thought we had taken all care and precautions, but despite that he left us behind. And he took away with him a part of me as well; the happy part of me.

I don’t think life will ever be the same again. This race appears to be meaningless as my youth also appears to be racing ahead now.

But I have learnt that ‘Be happy’ doesn’t merely mean ‘be successful’. Happiness is not an outcome; but is a state of mind. We cannot plan to ‘be happy’. We all have to recognize and realize our happiness ‘individually’.

Perhaps happiness lies in what we enjoy doing; and what we enjoy doing comes inspired by the God. Perhaps that’s why our elders actually prayed to God for our happiness when we conveyed our regards.

The world moves on as my father sleeps. Comes from far, the blurred sound of those eternal bhajans and chimes I’ve heard since childhood. I remember what he often used to tell us:

• Life is not a race. We must not get driven by self or anyone’s greed, ego or illusion.

• As we love our lives we must respect death. It can come to us anytime and ‘no one’ can control it. Deathbed mentality helps in focusing on what we enjoy doing and in avoiding time waste on meaningless matters.


Veenasreehari said...

Manish. Deep condolence. Praying for strength for you and family.

Nishi Kant said...

Dear Manish

I know it is almost immpossible to fulfill the void which God has created.Life goes like this only, you can now understand how I have spent my last 15 years after my father passed away. Not a single day has passed when i do not remember him and the most difficult part is that you and me are the eldest, so we do not have a shoulder to cry upon.It makes you rude, bitter, careless from indise.So, open up you expression buddy on your blog.It will heel the grief.Life is a canvas and each day it creates new painting on it.Try to make new painting, move around, meet with people and try to forget it.Take care of your aunty.Will call you today

Srestha said...

God Bless you..

Bahitra said...

Dear Manish, my heartfelt condolences - May His Soul rest in peace.

You Know Me Very Well said...

Manish.. my heartfelt condolences to you and your family. I lost my dad almost 20 years ago and I still miss him so much. Every time I am happy, I feel he would have been happier for me.. everytime I cry, I feel he would have never let that happen...somehow, this is a void which no one can fill.. ever... I do hope God gives you strength to cope with this loss and may your dad's blessing be with you always to keep you Happy as he always wished you to be...

How do we know said...

There is no good age to lose a parent.. heartfelt condolences..

Pinku said...

Your father is alive. he lives in your thoughts and your ideals, in the fact that you live.

Stay Happy. He would have wanted it to be no other way.

Cranium said...

With You Bhai.