Saturday, May 19, 2012

Calcutta training chronicles

Sharing herewith what my friend Anu Lall wrote as 'Calcutta training chronicles' in 2003.

Anu, Vijay and I had gone to Kolkata to impart SAP HCM Training. She was at it again, pulling my leg, but indeed it's such a treasure having such friends like her around.


Calcutta training chronicles

As the 21 day training at Calcutta draws to a close, time to write a feedback/ report on the highs and lows, the crests and troughs…the boring and the few interesting aspects that kept us going…

When the trio, Vijay, Manish and I started the training on day one, with Chadhaji and Ms Swarup there, little did I expect such a training.…After intros were over, Manish started on the oh so very important exercise – how to log on.. And that took the entire day. Manish made a presentation on “Put Client = 350, Username is USER##, the number of ur machine and password is new.” These three entries had one day gone. I was beginign t o worry… 299 pages ka manual kab shuru hoga aur kaise khatam hoga???
Man! I felt like it’s the beginning of a never ending fruitless journey.

The entire set of trainees nearly cried- some quite audile during the tea breaks, and some slightly heard and some in their own silent ways- jaani na, cholbe na, hobbe na – that’s in Bengali, that it just cant happen, cant be done.
These guys were going to take ages to do anything on the system. Anyway.. life went on from that day, we were there to do our job and today finally we got over with it.

Being an epitome of patience Manish just went on and on….and ofcourse the other two of us aswell. And like any other event … there were few of those ah!! so interesting statements that I think deserve mention here… and it is evident now… all this being a tribute to manish, the patience personified.
Nah! Dude don’t kill me for doing this, but seriously u deserve all the accolades. All said and done, all praise done,…now getting to to interesting taang kheenche waala stuff.. there are certain funda waala statements of his that deserve to be preserved…no offence meant .. they are indelible from our minds. Arre taang kheenche ke liye bhi to kuch karana chahiye. So for the benefit of the rest of the group … here it goes…I elaborate the situation and give the classy manish waala / or us se related statement therein… ENJOY!!

Situation 1: Classroom session. Manish giving a demo and lecture on the process.
A User, a typical one,  not paying any attention to what was said by manish in the entire demo asks some silly question …“but saar, cant you go to infotype 9930 phraam paphorty (pa40)?” manish, very patiently, explains the difference between pa30 and pa40… and concept of infotypes….
Then yet again there is another similar question… “but saar, there is one problem, the system allows me to take the designation of chairman. Now you tell me how is that possible. Your system is phaulty”. This time manish loses some of the patience and says “Aap meri baat sunte nahin hain. Aise lagta hain jaise ki sun rahe hain.. par nahin… aankh khuli rakh ke koi kaise so sakta hai? Arre aankh to band honi chhiye sone ke liye. Jaagete hain aur sunte nahin hain…. (LONG SILENCE. EVERYONE FEELING VERY GUILTY AND NOW ALL ATTENTIVE…WAITING FOR MANISH TO  COMPLETE…)………….Who ek kahawat hai na… ki kai log to naak se sunte hain…Sir, aap kyon nahin dhayaan dete hain?? Suniye main kya keh raha hoon.”

Vijay and I have a tough time controlling ourselves from bursting out laughing. Bhai Manish naak se kaise sunte hain zara hume bhi to batana?

Situation 2: Manish explaining the concept of back up data while running HBA seniority list. The fact that its very important, connectivity loss while doing the freeze on the list… then the system stores the back up. this is how he explained…

“Maan lijiye, aap senority run kar rahe hain aur power cut ho gaya..Ab aap kya karenge? ya phir chup chaap se connectivity chali jaati hai..…Mr Debnath aap sun rahe hain na?”
Mr Debnath: (Chewing paan, relocating it in the mouth making way for words…never thot speaking required so much effort for a person) “Ji Saar. Holiday home.”

Manish:  “Arre main HBA ki baat kar raha hoon, aap holiday home mein atke hue hain”
Khair jaane deejiye…. Maaniye aap ne seniority run kiya, aur sher aa gaya. (can u believe that, aache khaase ONGC office mein, lion kahan se aaya?????? Anyway that’s Manish and his examples…). Arre maan leejiye, bus soochiye ki sher aa gaya….. Arre hus rahe hain?? Aacha chhoodiye, sher ko chhodiye…. Maan lijiye veena maam ka phone aa jaata hain…aap ko jaana padta hai”

Man what a connection!!!! Sher and Veena!!! Kya baat hai! Dil se nikali aawaz. Vijay and I are in splits again. And by this time we have already started jotting down these mahaan one liners for later reproductions…

Situation 3: Training ka aakhri din. ONGC guys have organized a big bash for us. Party-sharty, gift-shift, daaru- shaaru and loads of NON BHHEGG food (that’s non veg in Bengali English for the uninitiated).
Our dear Mr Debnath gets a bit tipsy on the drinks… and catches hold of the three of us….. “Aap logon ne humare liye kitna kuch kiya… bahut accaha training conduct kiya. Maine to compuutar ko kabhi haath bhi nahian lagaya… saab aap ne bahut sikhaya.” “Bahut sikhaya….” HE GETS A BIT LOST IN THOT…AND STARTS TALKING ABOUT HIS LIFE AND STRUGGLES…
Meanwhile, The rest of the crowd giggling away as they saw us being caught by this 55 year old who loves to talk about his life and struggles and to add to the flavor is quite drunk…
Then Mr. Debnath looks at me and vijay and says ….“Aap jaanta nahin hai… monish saab to saagar hain, bahut vishaal hai…. Bahut patient hain… bahut bada dil hai… manish saab to saagar hain. Hume bahut seekhaya hai”

Okie there we go.. thanks mr debnath… in all your good intentions, you have made life nearly miserable for Monish saab… now vijay and I call him Mr. Saagar.

Situation 4: Now the smaller versions…

In the evenings after the training, we used to spend sometime at coffee places…or shop for our significant others. I remember how much of effort manish took in buying a dress for his fiancé. Vijay sir, spent time looking for stuff for his daughter…and I  indulged in shopping for myself.

On one such evening, after a round of the bazaars of Calcutta, we were sitting in a mall close to Park Street…having coffee. All three of us silent after a day long of work.

After observing many women around the place..Manish said these profound words…that I can possibly never forget..

He looked at me, very seriously, had a sip of coffee..and said very philosophically, “You know Anu, A beautiful girl is an accident of nature…But a Beautiful woman is a work of Art”.

Wah! Wah!


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