|Photo by Bhawani|
“He doesn’t love me anymore I think”, said Suzan. She sounded low; and kept the phone before I could speak anything.
I sat thinking for some time and smiled as many times her words rehearsed in my ears. Can anyone really start or stop loving? Can we really plan ‘who to love’ like we plan a project or marriage?
Do we really love only once?
Well, I don’t think so.
To me, love started as a mystery, then devotion, then the way of life and finally my destiny. And through all these years, it has been just ‘one love’. The same love happend, more than once, several times, as often it was must, to my parents, to my wife, to my kid and to some of my friends... and I cherish that because I know how to express and honor it.
Love is possibly one of the most discussed and debated topic, but still remains most confused and mutilated for individual convenience. And thanks to media, it has already become a hobby, and treachery, a status symbol.
Relationships are broken or forced to pursue one’s ambition or ego. I see some friends debating on expectations keeping the ‘me first’ attitude; while love requires ‘you first’.
Suzan is an amazing girl. She is fun-loving and beautiful, for most of her friends; she is an ideal candidate to marry. But she is afraid. She just wants to find out first, whether the person actually loves her or not.
Am not sure what to advice her but I guess most of the answers may come from following two questions:
Whether you will be happy to see him/ her happy?
Answers like ‘yes in general’; ‘yes if….’; ‘doesn’t matter’ etc won’t do. Anything less than an unconditional and genuine yes, from both sides, will mean that relationship may get into trouble and may fade.
And it may sometimes mean his/ her happiness at the cost of your own happiness. In today’s world of lost individualities, while we strive to show our presence or difference, this may be a big ask. There is no Robert Kincaid today who likes to lose himself into a Francesca Johnson, and vice versa.
Whether you need to act before him/ her?
Acting must be avoided, all the time, as it may end up suffocating each other in long run.
It may spoil the necessary space that a person may require. And when this space is lost, you may eventually lose the person even if s/he is physically next to you.
It's good to be yourself and check each other's comfort. The person, who loves you just the way you are, actually loves you.
|Photo by Piyush|
I wrote back to Suzan that there is no point getting psychic, losing mind or blaming ourselves as no one controls love. Love happens.
But for marriage she should not go for the person she considers the best but wait for the one who considers her the best.