A Basket of Fallen Leaves

..a kiss to build story on...

2011-11-20T13:14:00.017+05:30

(On 15th November evening, I had a small discussion with my colleagues in office on what next after business solutions on mobile.)

I tossed the idea of:

Stage 1:

If mobile can answer the sound waves with an inbuilt sensor, we may possibly have a sensor built to catch the neuro/ brain waves as well. I am sure we will be able to get there because brain waves/ nervous system do instruct all the body organs;
If aforesaid is achieved, such sensors can be implanted in human brain itself. (I mean chips those may receive brain/ neuro waves/ instructions);
If aforesaid is achieved, we don’t need a mobile, just by thinking about someone, with the brain waves we will be able to send and receive information like telepathy between one person to another through chips implanted in our brain. (Exact recognition options can be designed as a human mind identifies people with several parameters...and not just with name and/or number);
If aforesaid is achieved, and we may be able to develop applications for not only business but also for each and every person for his/ her day to day work. The whole population (not just those using a mobile phone) in the world could be our potential market. (Desktops > Laptops > Mobile > Brain Chips)

Stage 2:

Later we may manage to build an interceptor to receive brain waves (with a database of all recognition options in point 3 above) which are not necessary directed to us;
If aforesaid is achieved, we may be able to catch the thought process of any person in future.
If aforesaid is achieved, we will know who all are our potential customers.

I know friends, aforesaid appears crazy. But landing on moon was equally crazy to those who fought the first war of Panipat.

But my own idea scared me last night.

If this technology was available as of yesterday (on my 8th anniversary), Kuhoo might have known everything that went through my mind (written in italics with my each response during conversations yesterday)

Sometime in morning.

K : “Happy Anniversary”.
M: “Oh dear, I was going to say that..and you spoke”. (...God I forgot my anniversary again…how does she remember this always..when she forgets her ATM pin, Adi’s bus number etc…)

K : “I Love you”
M : “..me too. More than anyone else in the world” (Shit..I could have said this at least before she did)

K : “You remember our first anniversary?”
M : “Off course” (Off course not)

K : “I sat near the river early morning. That second arghya day of Chatth Puja”.
M : “Yes...and I stood in the river watching you” (...was that second arghya day of Chatth ? so inhuman, how could you remember all that ?)

K : “So what’s the plan?”
M : “Not now..wait..you'll love it..” (Which plan ? I just want to sleep please...)

K : “OK. I bring tea for you”
M : “Thank You. I will go to Adi’s school after that. Be ready by that time.”

I went to Adi’s school to apply for his School Leaving Certificate etc. I came back around 11 AM. Mummy too wanted to give something to her ladli Bahu. To my scare both of them were ready by the time I returned.

K : “We are going to Chemmanur”. She was unable to hold back the grin.
M : I smiled. “Even I wanted to go there”. (...get poorer by 25K at least..)

K : “Really?”. Her eyes shining…she was sure of two gifts now…one each from mummy and me.
M : “Indeed. I got down at Bowbazar to buy something...but couldn’t buy.” (well another reason of getting down there was the lovely crowd at Bowbazar. But I couldn’t buy because of the hand-rickshaw puller event written in my last post )

K : “Is this saree looking good?”
M : “Yeah..very nice” (...does that matter ?)

K : “You remember this one?”
M : “Yes” (No)

K : “You bought this on my birthday”
M : “Yes” (..how am I supposed to remember..they all look the same)

K : “We will stop by at McD while coming back”
M : “Sure”

Mummy looked perplexed with the idea of lunch at McD. But Adi was happy. I didn’t want to spoil their mood. We completed shopping, had something at McD and came back home.

K : “Let’s go to Hypercity”
M : “Anything specific?” (We just came back home..no ?)

K : “General grocery stuff, fruits and vegetables”
M : “ok”

Then we went to Hypercity. Kuhoo started with her intense shopping; bought a chocolate cake. Engaging Adi is easy; just buy him a car. We could come back home by 9 PM.

K : “Too late na..I was thinking, should we order Pizza ? Adi too wanted to have Pizza today”. Adi appeared like a puppy wagging its tail...as if he never had Pizza for years. And all he eats is plain garlic bread.

M : “Yup. Normal or thin crust?” (It just came out of me...but it gave an impression of how much I care.)

K : “Normal. Thin crust you order for yourself”. She smiled.

I ordered a veggie supreme for myself and a chicken one for Kuhoo. Pizza came. It was around 11.00 PM by the time we could finish and go to bed.

K : “Promise me. You’ll always love me like this”. And I got a kiss to build story on.
M : “Love you...always”. (..do I have an option?)

Coming back to life..

2011-11-06T23:54:00.008+05:30

By Udayan

“Get up Birthday buoy; aren’t you getting late?” Kuhoo almost whispered in my ears.

There is nothing sweeter than your wife waking you up on those special days (of course when she is in good mood).

“No. Sonu has messaged; the flight is delayed by an hour”.

Sonu sponsored the trip as my laptop was dead. Our genius friends in support department had done some changes in my user account settings that had deactivated my windows password as well. And I had to go to my SAP office in Kolkata to login (in office LAN) to revive my laptop. Plan was to go to Kolkata in morning and return to Patna in evening.

I boarded the flight to Kolkata at 10 AM.

It is rightly said, some words have physical meaning, and not just meaning. One must undergo such words to understand their meaning. Consulting profession has given an opportunity to travel to various places, know and interact with various kinds and types of people; and that has helped me go through and understand a multitude of emotions. I have understood what is love and infiniteness; what is pain and heartlessness; what is survival and selflessness. Over the years, I think, I have become too receptive to such emotions; and that often compels me to vent any overflow.

I reached Kolkata around 11:15 AM and proceeded towards Ho Chi Minh Sarani, near Esplandade. The hustle at Kolkata remains same; change appears to be the slowest here.

Anyway I wasn’t in much hurry and my taxi driver knew all the roads of Kolkata. He took me to the roads I would never have believed hadn’t I passed through them.

And then I reached Bowbazar; actually on a road called B.B.Ganguly Street.

I found a series of Jewelry shops on one side of the road. I had some time, I thought to get down for few minutes and pick up an earring for Kuhoo.

The first shop I went to was a small one, and it was attended by a single person who was already losing his cool answering to three-four customers simultaneously asking for something in Bangla. I decided to look for a bigger shop; but realized that my taxi driver had already parked the vehicle at some distance. I started walking.

An old man shouted at me and said something that I couldn’t understand. But I stopped. I saw the old man, who was actually a hand-rickshaw puller and was asking whether I wanted a ride.

He was around 70; may be more. So lean and weak that he could just manage to walk. I saw his eyes, they pleaded for a customer. I saw his body, they pleaded for rest. I couldn’t ignore him. I knew about hand-rickshaw pullers in Kolkata and in some other parts in India; and I think I have read or heard news about them as well a number of times. But I had never seen them so near, I had never imagined how cruel it could appear. Possibly I will never be able to explain the shiver I had; because I too couldn’t have felt it, had I not actually stood before such person.

For once I thought to give him some money but that could have dishonored his labor; I couldn’t accept his offer either. I felt I will cry.

Finally he spoke in hindi. “Achca. Koi aur jayega”. He almost smiled as he bailed me out of the predicament.

“Dada, aur koi kaam nahi kar sakte?”

“yehi hai, bus”.

“…lekin aap beemar ho jaoge..mar jaoge….” I spoke something incoherently..I don’t remember.

“wo to sabhi...jab tak mara nahi..jinda hai”. I have heard such words in movies, but for the first time I heard these words from someone who actually meant it.

He turned to the other side of the road, found another customer and moved on. I stood there for some time. He didn’t even look back.

I proceeded towards my office and completed my work around lunch time.

Around 2.30 PM I left for New Town (near Rajarhat) where my friend Anupam has just relocated from CMC Vellore. He has just joined Tata Medical Center (TMC) as Consultant - Haematologist and Bone marrow transplant. At TMC I saw another set of people fighting for survival; and yet another doing their best to save lives.

It was once again an emotion packed birthday to me. And finally Bhabhi (Anupam’s wife) who has also joined TMC (actually the same day) almost ran back from hospital and prepared that yum Rajma Puri for me. Perhaps she knew I couldn’t have my lunch that day.

Anupam and Bhabhi

In the morning flight I was almost cursing some people for making me travel on my birthday; in the evening flight I had a quiet moment to realize the purpose. I wasn’t complaining any more as I had learnt few more lessons to honor this life.

I landed at Patna around 8 PM. Kuhoo and Adi were waiting for me to cut the cake. We didn’t go out as Kuhoo was in middle of cleaning the rooms. I too was little tired. But Adi wasn’t; he did what loves the most, putting the cake all over our face.

Over the dinner, Kuhoo asked about my laptop. I smiled. "My hand-rickshaw has come back to life".

Letter to Rishu..

2011-10-29T14:19:00.001+05:30

(This post is written as a response to my brother's (Rishu) post in http://blogs.isb.edu/pgp2012students/2011/10/26/everything-works-out-to-be-fine/. You may like to read his blog first to get the complete context)

Dear Rishu..

I don’t want to sound like preaching but because I have found myself facing similar questions at one stage, I feel like sharing my opinion.

First of all, everything works out to be fine, if you are lucky; else it doesn’t, on its own.

But unfortunately there is no absolute formula. There is no choice, course or answer which is absolutely right or wrong; it can only be generally or relatively right or wrong. Therefore it is difficult to know whether you are wasting or utilizing your time.

Indeed, the shift from 2 days to 2 hours happens because of the expectation, the world and we set for ourselves, to do the multi-tasking. But in that bargain, the world and we, start taking the quality of outcome and/ or the pleasure of doing it as secondary. Believe me, the best things of the world are innovated or made only when one keeps the quality in mind and pleasure in heart while doing it.

Therefore my opinion is even when you have got multiple things to do; please set a priority to them in order of your liking and long term objectives. Aforesaid gives you direction to take the right calls, for example whether to attend to a distinguished speaker or to spend time with your wife. (It may sound a little preposterous but most of times I have found spending time with dear ones more useful. Remember there will never be a you-tube or recorded session of the evening walk you had with your wife).

My opinion is even if it appears impossible; please try to plan your time judiciously between your work/ study and your family. If you are able to now, you will always be successful in your life. And remember, Kanu will always be more important than Steve Jobs to you.

You are right about ‘Trusting’ your study group members. Later as a manager you will have to trust yourself and your team to achieve desired results. A good manager is identified by what I call the '3 Ds': Decide, Delegate and Deliver.

A manager must ‘decide’; right or wrong and if s/he fails, s/he is not a manager. Second, a manager must ‘delegate’ else s/he will become a bottleneck to progress; and finally, s/he must deliver which means s/he must not quit till end. In all 3 Ds, trust to her/ his and team’s ability is an underlying element. Trust builds the platform to all managerial competencies, one develops eventually.

And lastly, be prepared for failure. Being prepared for failure doesn’t mean you don’t trust yourself or your team, it only means that you try to ensure ‘everything works out to be fine’, even when you aren’t lucky. Even mental preparedness helps, to stand up again and continue. You may lose some battles, but you will win the war.

With lots of love and best wishes
Monu

When tomorrow comes..

2011-10-08T18:48:00.006+05:30

“You haven’t learnt it yet”, Kuhoo had caught me slyly looking at the girl sitting in front of us.

“Actually I see you in all the girls. Some have got your eyes; some have got your smile; some walk like you; some talk like you, it’s so difficult to avert my eyes when I see even a glimpse of you in a girl, you know”.

Kuhoo couldn’t stop smiling.

We had boarded the train from Delhi to Haldwani. The girl in front of us was around 16, may be less. She was cute and an incorrigible attention seeker. She reminded me of some of my friends who are so very cautious about how they look, how they dress etc, though a similar behavior at this age was a little odd. Perhaps the world is changing with teens’ trying to appear as matures; and matures trying to appear as teens.

“So what’s the plan?”

“Just to spend time with you for next 2-3 days”.

“Wish I could draw this Romeo out of office more often”.

Haldwani is the gateway to Kumaon range of Himalayas and many of hill stations like Nainital, Ranikhet, Almora, Kausani, Binsar, Pithoragarh etc are located in this range. Traveling among these hills always feels like homecoming and this was my plan for the holidays.

By late night we had reached Haldwani (at Kuhoo’s elder sister’s place).

Next day it was 4th October morning, Dushehra’s Ashtami. And Kuhoo could persuade her Jiju and Didi to come along with us. Finally we all were going to Ranikhet, Kausani and Almora by car.

We started around 10 AM.

En route we stopped at several places for tea, fruit juice and scenic views and pictures. Especially the terrain after Bhuwali (a small town known for sanatorium for tuberculosis patients and apple orchards) is rich of Pine and Conifer trees. The weather was fine and the winds had the sweet chillness.

Adi had fun seeing me not working at all. Throughout he mimicked on how I talk, how I walk, etc. We burst into laughter when he sat with his cousin brother to just show how seriously his papa looks while talking.

We reached Ranikhet around 3 PM and since this was Dushehra Ashtami, we visited the Kali Durga temple first.

It was evening by the time we went to the famous golf course where some shots of movie Raja Hindustani were taken. We found the place fresh, green and wide. We spent a lot of time playing around. Mummy too liked the place a lot.

Later we went to Chaubatia, the place of apple orchards. We found the flowers coming on the trees. Kuhoo was fasting; she developed a kind of motion sickness as we reached the place on a hill top. I got a little worried but thankfully mummy was there; she took us to a tea stall, where we sat for a while and had tea. Kuhoo was soon back in her elements.

We came down to visit ‘Jhula Devi’ temple. Both Kali Durga and Jhula Devi s are quite old and have folk lore attached.

Later we reached Heda Khan temple. It was Sandhya Aarti time by then. Heda Khan temple is a very popular temple of Lord Shiva in that region. It is visited by several actors/ actresses of bollywood and is managed by Heda Khan Baba’s disciples (mostly foreigners.)

By 8 PM, we returned to our hotel, ‘Parwati Inn’ in Ranikhet. Our hotel was reasonable (Rs 1500-2000 per night) and well located. We had the Ranikhet market below our balconies and overview of the mountain range in front of us. Services are satisfactory and they have lots of parking space.

The next day started with Kuhoo whispering into my ears. “I have forgotten my purple salwar”. I realized that day that only purple goes with purple; any other color like skin color, black or white doesn’t match. Well I went down to the market and got a purple one immediately.

We then started for Kausani and Almora. This was the day of Dushehra Navami. Both Kuhoo and Didi had to pray and then break their fast. We first stopped at ‘Siddheshwari Mata Temple”. We all were mesmerized with its serene and magnificent look on the slope of a forested hill. Photography was prohibited inside.

Later we decided not to get inside any town but to roam around the hills surrounding Kausani and Almora. And we did exactly that. While going towards Kausani, we stopped at Ranikhet Golf course again.

On the way to Kausani, we stopped by a roadside restaurant at a place called Naini. I found some time to pick some forest flowers and placed them at their next best place.

Sometime in afternoon, we started the return journey. We stopped at various places, for tea, for trekking, scenic-sides, riverside, wherever we felt like.

While coming back we finally stopped at Kainchi Ashram, the place where celebrities keep coming to. This is the same ashram where Steve Jobs came looking for meditation and peace.

These were the times when I was myself. I did what I kept postponing..for some 'right' time.

I believe it is important to hear the inner voice and accept what we want; it helps us be ourselves and realize the best use of times in our lives.

It also makes us ready to take any decision..when tomorrow comes...

I sing for you..

2011-09-26T20:02:00.008+05:30

This autumn..when the old leaves fall,
the flowers bloom, in the woods we strolled,
the quiet moments spent by the lake..
and the longing felt..soaked in rain..
that nip in the air..as sun-shine grew tall
miss you so much... wish you could call..

I do live, with those moments rewind..
there is little bit for you..still left inside..
as memories unfold...through distances far..
you walk down the strings to my heart..
the song comes out…and the music through
a pain rekindled..I sing for you..

Search of a new God..

2011-07-01T23:42:00.002+05:30

There were stories of a small grass land where the morning sun shined bright, of the gulmohar trees those swaggered with the monsoon winds, of the fragrance of the soil that foretold the onset of seasons, of the far songs that heralded the days of festivals; I've heard them all as Granny used to tell those lying next to me, under those thousand stars, making me sleep.

Only I could make her run; only she could make me eat Dal Rice. There wasn’t anyone dearer to us than each other. We shared the same world, the same sky and the same God, in and outside those stories.

I was at the same place again for my brother-in-law’s marriage. It rained a lot during those few weeks.

But the town did recognize me. The familiar sight, of the rhythmic rain, of the drunken trees, of dancing kids, and of waterlogged roads; and this time I also saw the time that has gone by since I and Sonu used to sit on the window and watch the rain. Spent few days dreaming as the stories were retold, places revisited, moments relived; I just wanted to make the most of it, not sure when will I be back.

Granny is very old now. When I met her this time, she hugged me and cried. Every time I meet her, I just pray that she stays alive until my next visit. This time, I wasn’t sure about my next visit; I kept silent, heart sinking.

Unlike earlier days when she used to be very active, this time in the hustle of marriage, she kept quiet; blessed everyone with her filled-in eyes, slept before we stopped singing, occasionally hugged us and cried at times with joy. She said she couldn’t prepare those Aloo Papad because of her weakening eyesight and strength.

Time has flown by. I look at myself, the wonders have become the usual, unpredictability has become unsafe, and a protectionist has replaced the cowboy. There aren’t stories anymore or I am no more part of those stories. Guess I too have changed, in not too less than the ways my Granny has.

She doesn’t appear to be praying God all the time now. Perhaps she has no more wishes left.

As I look ahead, I see it’s time to re-prioritize my wishes, for overall future and not just for my professional future. I have taken steps towards the change.

For Granny and me, the world is changing. Our priorities and places will change, for the sake of our near and dear ones. The wishes also have changed. Perhaps the old Gods aren’t enough; the search for the new God has begun.

The Alter Ego..

2011-05-25T22:53:00.000+05:30

Photo by Bhawani

“Tell me the name of the person you wish to be like”, asked John Williams. “You may also share why but that’s optional”.

“Al Gore”. I replied. “He is one of those who have taken up the fight against common greed”.

We were attending a workshop conducted by John Williams, the principal and founder of an Australian consulting firm called JHW Pty Ltd. After replying I sat down, thinking whether it was necessary to share the why. It came out of spontaneity as I have been impressed with Al Gore’s contribution and the purpose he carries in life, though I found some of the participants immediately gave that 'W..t..f..' look.

Today we justify our interactions only on a profit scale and if there is no profit, any thought or action in that direction is considered wastage of time and energy. This mindset has reached most of us already. The greed has us already. Everything is business and we are supposed to mind our own business.

Even professions, which are supposed to be guided by method, have turned into businesses (and thus guided by result). As I look around, the professions like teaching, sports; practices like medicine, legal, consulting have already become businesses.

And then it’s futile to blame organizations for it because at the other end, we ourselves are the organization (as shareholders, promoters, owners) that believes in cutting cost and getting rid of employees to ensure distributable profits. Till the time we are not impacted as employees, we prefer talking about profits.

This business mindedness has already brought our personal life, other’s life, overall society’s existence at risk. For all of us it is important to come out of this psyche. I guess then only we will be able to avoid the collapse of the family and social systems.

And to begin with, it will be my personal milestone to keep the methods alive in pursuit of the result.

Photo by Ravi Garg

For a thing called love..

2011-04-17T19:35:00.002+05:30

Photo by Bhawani

“He doesn’t love me anymore I think”, said Suzan. She sounded low; and kept the phone before I could speak anything.

I sat thinking for some time and smiled as many times her words rehearsed in my ears. Can anyone really start or stop loving? Can we really plan ‘who to love’ like we plan a project or marriage?

Do we really love only once?

Well, I don’t think so.

To me, love started as a mystery, then devotion, then the way of life and finally my destiny. And through all these years, it has been just ‘one love’. The same love happend, more than once, several times, as often it was must, to my parents, to my wife, to my kid and to some of my friends... and I cherish that because I know how to express and honor it.

Love is possibly one of the most discussed and debated topic, but still remains most confused and mutilated for individual convenience. And thanks to media, it has already become a hobby, and treachery, a status symbol.

Relationships are broken or forced to pursue one’s ambition or ego. I see some friends debating on expectations keeping the ‘me first’ attitude; while love requires ‘you first’.

Suzan is an amazing girl. She is fun-loving and beautiful, for most of her friends; she is an ideal candidate to marry. But she is afraid. She just wants to find out first, whether the person actually loves her or not.

Am not sure what to advice her but I guess most of the answers may come from following two questions:

Whether you will be happy to see him/ her happy?

Answers like ‘yes in general’; ‘yes if….’; ‘doesn’t matter’ etc won’t do. Anything less than an unconditional and genuine yes, from both sides, will mean that relationship may get into trouble and may fade.

And it may sometimes mean his/ her happiness at the cost of your own happiness. In today’s world of lost individualities, while we strive to show our presence or difference, this may be a big ask. There is no Robert Kincaid today who likes to lose himself into a Francesca Johnson, and vice versa.

Whether you need to act before him/ her?

Acting must be avoided, all the time, as it may end up suffocating each other in long run.

It may spoil the necessary space that a person may require. And when this space is lost, you may eventually lose the person even if s/he is physically next to you.

It's good to be yourself and check each other's comfort. The person, who loves you just the way you are, actually loves you.

Photo by Piyush

I wrote back to Suzan that there is no point getting psychic, losing mind or blaming ourselves as no one controls love. Love happens.

But for marriage she should not go for the person she considers the best but wait for the one who considers her the best.

The longer line..

2011-04-05T00:31:00.000+05:30

Sometime back we had an emotional discussion over who would win this world cup.

We talked for hours before I got my chance. I told Australia had the best chance to win; followed by Sri Lanka and then India. And within few minutes I knew that to my views there were no takers.

But I still carry the impression that mostly we run our own race. And therefore it is important that we rely more on our strengths and, not that much on competitors’ weaknesses. I believe in drawing a longer line next to a line, to make the latter smaller.

I grew up during the years when Indian team and India waited for the world cup. I have seen, despite good show by India at several occasions, how teams like Pakistan, Sri Lanka and Australia went ahead of us. World Cup remained the ‘cup that counts’ while we waited for the opponent to falter for India to win.

But I think this Indian team knew their strengths and weaknesses. While they tried to come out of their weaknesses, they worked very hard on their strengths, rather than being complacent about it.

I am so happy to be wrong about predicting the winner. I am so happy that this Indian team believes in their strengths, and in drawing the longer line.

(Picture taken from an album of Ajay Sudhanshu)

Guzaarish..

2011-03-11T01:34:00.000+05:30

Sometimes Mumbai looks insensitive and uninviting. People don’t appear much bothered about anyone or anything. Unlikely that blasts or rains can make any difference.

Last Sunday after a long time, I could get a chance to meet Nishi and Pranat, my school friends. Took a slow local on the harbor line to Khandeshwar, near Panvel.

Actually I’m little uncomfortable taking local trains, as they are normally very crowded. But thought Sunday should be leaner than weekdays, I decided to try. I was wrong.

When the train came, in a hurry to get in, I got into the vendor’s coach. Felt a little awkward; but stood there for around 10-15 minutes when a person of around 50+ years of age stood up and offered me his seat.

I didn’t anticipate an old man offering seat to a ‘relatively less old man’ and that, in Mumbai. He said he will get down after few stations.

Finally we sat together on half seat each. And for those few minutes we talked.

A nondescript personality, perhaps a little unwell too; he works as a transporter of slippers and shoes to a shop in Andheri. Around 20 years back he came from Baliya and has been struggling to save enough to keep sending back home every month.

Apparently he couldn’t even try doing anything else because he had to ensure regular supply of money. And today he has no option than to continue with what he is doing, within the constraints.

But he is growing old; the young guys are faster and smarter. His struggle will increase as the society and his age will slowly take away his strength and may be his belief that he can continue.

He got down at Andheri but I kept thinking about him. He was a good person left on his own by his only son.

Don’t know what will happen to him after few years. Not sure, whether this is what people call as 'passive euthanasia'. I think before it became 'legal', it was already a part of many of our lives.

I guess we all are sufferers in a way or the other, but we are luckier than many. Let us not waste time keeping grudges.

It’s time to go out.

Can something happen over Chai ?

2011-02-26T15:15:00.004+05:30

I took a U-turn from Sarjapura junction. It was dark and cloudy. A sudden evening rain had created a kind of traffic mess on the outer ring road.

Somewhere before Bellandur my phone rang; I took left and stopped the car to attend the call.

By the time I finished the call, I heard a thud at the rear left side. For once I thought someone had hit my car. Pissed off, I looked behind. A girl stood with an umbrella, holding the door half open.

“Marathalli”?

“What”?

“Will you go to Marathalli”?

The genius friends I had dropped at Sarjapura junction had left the doors open. She was almost inside the car, possibly a little desperate too, due to rain and traffic situation.

“Ok. But ...” I tried to speak.

“Koi baat nahi..extra le lena..ab chalo”, she sat in the car.

I don’t think I looked like a driver. But wearing beard and a dirty white t-shirt; driving an iron-age Alto in a dull evening; there was a remote possibility that she might have misunderstood.

“I am coming. Please wait. Lot of traffic today” She spoke over the phone. “Bhaiya..aap thora jaldi le lo please”.

The ‘Bhaiya’ insult was too difficult to bear. It killed whatsoever little hope of romance I was left with.

I kept driving ahead. My CD played the next song 'O re piya' (from Aaja Nachle). Saw her hearing the song quietly. “Hindi samajh bol lete ho"? She obviously liked that song.

“Haan”. I saw her trying to see my face. I switched the gear and looked out.

“Tum aur log nahi bithaoge"?

“Nahin. Aapnay bola na..jaldi chalo..”

“Theek hai. I will pay you extra..tum Rohan Vasantha apartment tak drop kar doge kya”?

“Theek hai”.

Rohan Vasantha is just opposite to my apartment. My phone rang again. I had to pick up. I had to reply to the caller that I will be in Mumbai next Monday.

She got a little suspicious; but by that time we had reached Rohan Vasantha. She came out..and saw my face.

“I am sorry”, came with a blush.

“But I thought you’ll say thanks”. I could not stop smiling. “Don’t worry I stay in the apartment the other side of the road”.

“Thanks. Actually I have to go out in few minutes. Will it be possible to catch up over an evening tea someday”?

“Sure”, I smiled and took the reverse gear.

They say a lot can happen over coffee. Does that apply to chai as well ?

Raj Dharma..

2011-02-20T12:30:00.006+05:30

Over the years I grew up with an unsettling thought, something that actually made me dislike (the God) Rama.

How could he leave (the Goddess) Sita; as if she was just another property that he could dispense with; and that too when she was on the family way? What was so compelling that he, who followed all the dharmas in his life, had to leave his beloved wife in such stage?

The answer came, few months back when I saw an episode of Uttar Ramayana, the story that narrates the events after Rama’s accession as the king of Ayodhya. The story goes on till the battle for the Ashwamedha Yagya horse.

Before battling with his father, Luv asks the same question to Rama.

And Rama replies, “Raj Dharma”. The duties of a leader, took primacy over all the dharmas.

While it may remain a debate at several forums but for the first time, I saw the reason that ‘King’ Rama couldn’t have ignored, even if the decision was as cruel to Rama himself, the husband.

But unfortunately the message of Raj Dharma is lost, and is sorely missed in many of the leaders today.

In my personal view, what they fail to do is - to detach themselves and decide.

To be able to detach means to treat all subordinates equally. Perhaps the most important trait of a leader but hardly found these days.

There is always a blue-eyed boy or a June Pinto (DTBHJ) that leaders find comfortable to go to. Unfortunately in long run, it proves to be disastrous - to other co-workers' output, to leader’s credibility and also to such favorite’s overall effectiveness.

The second most important attribute is to be able to decide. Our experience is replete with situations when leaders ask for ‘all the information’ before they decide.

The issue is when all the information is available; we don’t need a leader anymore; then a computer or an interpreter is good enough.

An informed decision is qualified with maximum 50% of information. Beyond that, the probability theories provide better reference. Therefore a leader should always be ready to decide with an element of risk.

A decision may finally prove to be right or wrong but inability to decide means the person can only fake to be a leader but s/he can’t actually lead.

Rama may not be a great husband, but I think he certainly was a great leader. And a king who managed to follow the most difficult dharma known to us...the Raj Dharma...

To a hundred billion castaways..

2011-01-30T16:20:00.001+05:30

Got up a little early today. Saw Adi smiling in sleep.

Sat quiet for some time. Have been little restless for few days. Some of my friends unhappy with their work and/or life, some of them bored and listless and worst still, some of them showing signs of submission.

Last night Adi took a promise from me, to buy the yellow train for him next month. For next few weeks he will be happy waiting for and later playing with the yellow train. I never see him, bored. I think if we have a dream or something to look forward to, it is unlikely that we will get bored easily.

Not many of us face any dreamlessness in early years. In middle school, I was fascinated about comics, later I looked forward to score well in matriculation, and then I found myself looking for a job, and after that for a partner.

Possibly we can exclude ‘look for a partner’ from some of our friends who care or dream only about their job or are just over ambitious; and those who carry too high expectations; and also those who have apparently stopped just because it could not work out so far.

I know some friends of mine, extremely talented, those have chosen to take up a job commensurate to meet their family life requirements. They do repent, sometimes, of not following their dreams.

I also know some friends, equally talented, and have chosen to follow their dreams, but not been able to adjust to a family life. They too repent, of not settling with the marriage and its blessings, at right time.

Dreams demand madness (or selfishness) and marriage demands adjustments (or sacrifice). This remains the dilemma of our lives. And we become what we choose.

But when go too fast and focused on our dreams, and when we have all that we wanted, the question of ‘what next’ comes haunting.We end up growing faster than our age, to some of us, who have been in the habit of achieving our goals quick and early, mid life crisis too comes a little early. We get confused with what we have achieved and what we could have achieved. We get bored easily but at the same time feel very reluctant to come out of the comfort zone.

Marriage helps..

My personal view is marriage helps. You could be lucky enough to get a partner who supports you following dreams. Though it may take a lifetime to realize whether you were actually lucky. But such partners are worth all the hunt and the heartburn.

Even otherwise, I prefer marriage. Happiness comes to us in many forms. These are not necessarily the ones we could actually dream or anticipate. But we need to ‘Open Up’ and must not confine ourselves just because of an unfulfilled dream or choice.

I travel, read, and make new friends. I believe, they are amazing levelers. And I have found that this world offers more than we could ever dream of.

..handling an early mid life crisis

Mid life crisis does come to all of us, sooner or later, perceptibly or actually.

Possibly the most important thing we need to learn is how to keep the right balance of work-life and work-work (i.e., between the work we enjoy and the work we don’t enjoy). Imbalance is understandable if it exists for sometime (say for a month or so), but beyond that, it definitely requires an action from our side. And that includes taking some risks. Otherwise it may fill us with an annoying sense of purposelessness.

Avoid having an affair which we normally become prone to, at this stage. And if that happens, inadvertently, remember not to get involved ‘physically’; treat them as appetizers but have your regular meal only. And if at all an accident happens, for God sake, never get involved ‘emotionally’. Most of the world doesn’t value it anyway.

Plan two vacations in advance. Duration doesn’t matter but better keep it short. And to the places or people you really like to go to. That keeps you anticipating the fun and helps tide over the stress and madness of the work. The best part is, when first vacation is getting over, you know that very soon the next will follow.

Hobbies help. May be joining a fitness program or tennis classes; it could also be learning guitar or harmonica again.

And finally remember that you are not the only one alone…

..Walked out this morning I don’t believe what I saw
A hundred billion bottles washed up on the shore
Seems I’m not alone at being alone
A hundred billion castaways all looking for a home..

(John Mayer, Message in a bottle)

Mr Ressel Live..

2011-01-19T00:10:00.002+05:30

“The train is slowing down. I think station is coming”, said Kuhoo. “It must be cold at the platform. Please don’t sit anywhere there. Instead get inside a waiting room”.

We had reached Londa Station today around 12:15 AM in morning. From there Kuhoo and Adi had to proceed to Yeshwantpur (Bangalore). And I had to get down, to catch Goa express to come back to Panaji by morning. I had accompanied her till Londa because her ticket was confirmed from that station only.

“I will”, I said in an almost swearing tone.

I got down. After a brief halt, the train moved on. Didn’t like that sight; but saw the train going, for a while. Few minutes later, I realized I am standing on an almost deserted platform without any trace of civilization.

It was cold there. I started looking for a waiting room. Found men’s waiting room. And found that locked. Finally a little disconsolate, I sat on an iron chair on the platform.

“Why don’t you come in there”, a voice come from behind. I saw a young married girl standing behind, pointing towards ladies waiting room, which surprisingly, was open.

“I am fine. Thanks”. I found the proposal a little strange.

“Don’t worry, there are many men sitting there already”.

I checked inside. I found two old women, one old man, around four-five guys sitting there. And I found another girl sitting half awake. I thanked and sat there.

“Where are you going?”

“Panaji. Waiting for Goa express”.

“We are also going to Goa”, she sounded happy with the coincidence.

“Ok”.

“My name is Rashi. This is my cousin Payal. Actually I am on my honeymoon trip to Goa”.

Two girls on honeymoon! It was difficult to hide the surprise on my face.

“No, no. Actually my husband had to come as well. But he couldn’t because of some urgent work. He will reach Goa day after tomorrow”.

“I understand”.

I tried hard not to smile. I thought of the lucky idiot. Sister-in-law accompanying his wife on honeymoon.

“We could not get direct reservation in Sampark Kranti. Therefore we had to get down at this station. But we don’t mind since there is not much luggage. My husband is very particular about traveling light. But I will have some luggage on return”.

“Planning lots of shopping? Add cashew nuts in your list”.

“Yes that I have already noted. Actually I have also heard about the flea market, you have to bargain but you get real trendy stuff”.

“True”.

She was quiet for few seconds. The other girl, Payal, was sleeping as if she hasn’t slept for months.

“We are from Punjab. But I have studied in Delhi. Payal also is currently studying law in Delhi. We normally take flights but you know flights are so costly these days. And trains are so much of fun. Enjoy the scenery, enjoy tea and pakodas, so comfortable, no?”

“Yes”.

Then I acted busy. Picked up my mobile and typed a new status on facebook as if I was replying to some urgent message.

She waited desperately, “Why are you going to Goa? You stay there?”

“I am in Goa on a work assignment for few days”.

“Wow. Then you must be knowing all the happening places to go to. I have downloaded information from internet sites”, she took out some printed papers and fumbled. “Could you please tell me how to go to these places?”

“Don’t worry, you won’t get lost in Goa. And if you could get lost, then you would enjoy Goa the most”. Payal got up smiling. Possibly she wasn’t sleeping at all.

Rashi's mobile rang. She went to the door and started talking in low tone.

“She isn’t scared anymore”, Payal spoke, unexpectedly.

“Scared?” I tried to understand whether that was a compliment.

“We weren’t too comfortable because those guys have come inside the waiting room. We saw you outside. We needed company. Among all strangers, we thought you could be the lesser evil.” There was faint smile on her face.

I was a little taken aback. But this was understandable. I sat quiet.

“Which coach are you traveling? Which seat number? ” Rashi came back asking.

“B1/ 28”.

“It’s not too far. We are at B1/ 39,40”.

Train came. Slept peacefully in the train. Got down at Vasco station.

“You like to come with us? We are taking a cab. We can drop you if you like”, said Rashi.

“No. Thanks. I prefer the bus”.

“Hello, you didn’t tell your name?”

I smiled back, "I am Ressel Live". And then moved towards Kadamba bus stop.

“Strange. He doesn’t look like a Christian”, I heard Rashi saying to Payal.

Payal looked at me for few seconds. Finally she smiled, “I guess he is actually Ressel Live”..the lesser evil.

A place over the rainbow...

2011-01-16T23:16:00.002+05:30

The very first day, I had decided to call Kuhoo and Adi at Goa. And by weekend, it was like calling them ‘whatever it takes’.

She loves beaches… opposite to my preference towards hills…and then Goa offers somewhat a mix of the two..

First day, we spent some time in evening at Miramar beach. Joined a group in kit flying and then sat quiet for the sunset. Later we joined the cruise on the river Mandovi .

Perhaps there is something in the air or the world is changing. We noticed the slow moving traffic, honeymooners’ confidence and then people sitting on roadside benches.

Last two days in Goa have been amazing. Fun in the air and in the eyes, I joined my crazy ones for Baga beach, Aquada Fort etc.. did shopping of 'God-knows-what' at every street and corner.

Mobiles off..two days completely on..water sports, tatoos, sand-castles and a lot of mindlessness.Two days of doing nothing..or not doing anything..whatever explains it..

No story to tell....as it feels like..being part of it..at this place over the rainbow..

Where time takes a break...

2011-01-09T10:34:00.003+05:30

I came to Goa on 6th January, in a little grumpy state of mind, as I wanted to stay in Bangalore for few weeks after Delhi. May be it was also because I couldn’t connect to Goa in my last trip, in 2008.

I hadn’t checked my mail. I wasn’t sure about the locality of the guest house/ hotel accommodation. I landed early morning and went straight to meet Sonu who was staying here for some work.

By evening, I knew I will be staying with my team mates - Utsav, Adwait and Niti, in a place called Caranzalem in Tiswadi district, near Panaji.

And after office, when I was returning to guest house, quiet and tired, an affair started.

This time Goa didn’t refuse to recognize me. I saw the cruises and casinos on the river Mandovi and then crossed passed Miramar beach to reach a small sleepy place called Talegaon. My friends stopped there to pick up some grocery and then soon we reached our guest house, called Darius Avenue, in quiet and lovely place behind Model Millennium society.

I had never seen this side of Goa and that this close. Unlike last time, when I stayed in a classy but secluded resort in South Goa; this time, I have developed the feel.

Well, only two more days have passed since, but the description below may explain, that the impression Goa has already created in my mind is nothing less than, magical.

On 7th morning, Utsav and I went to the beach in front of our house.

It’s relatively quiet beach and almost of half of it, is the home of the fishermen.

The means and end

And some unfortunate ones caught in fish-net..

On 8th morning, I had nothing much to do. Booked a ticket for Kuhoo to join me at Goa during next weekend.

Utsav and Adwait had plans to visit the Iron Ore mines of Sesa. Niti had planned to go to “ShriMangesh Prasanna” temple in Ponda (spelt as Fonda) district. I didn’t want to be left alone; I joined Niti for the temple. The temple is called “Mangeshi” temple. Lord Shiva is with a moustache and beards here.

We ditched the cab; took a local bus. En route I again sensed the flavor of Goa as the bus took the route next to Mandovi river.

A barge in Mandovi river (A barge is a flat bottom small ship that carries goods from Jetties (like pick up points) to deep sea ships)

St Francis Xavier church (Also called Goencho Saiba or the Lord of Goa. His dead body is kept in the old church)

The Mangeshi temple (Mentioned in Skand Purana; and the Shivalinga was established by Lord Brahma himself)

Later Utsav and Adwait joined us at the Mangeshi temple. The second half of day was planned for Aguada fort and Baga beach.

Aguada fort (the place where some shots of Goa in movie Dil Chahta Hai were taken)

At Baga Beach, we saw a very ‘generous’ crowd. We had lunch there and enjoyed the waves. I did Jet Ski and returned after a coffee in evening.

Today is Sunday. But some office work needs to be completed first. Once done, in second half, we will plan going somewhere.

Time will take a break again..

Happy New Year

2011-01-04T11:34:00.001+05:30

Spent last 31st December and 1st January driving among the hills near and around Nainital.

We realized that this is one of the places where flowers bloom unattended. And the stars shine not only in sky but also in the hearts and eyes of people.

One gives what s/he has; joy, pain or unconcern. People in this part of the world give you joy even if they don't have it for themselves.

On 31st December, we started but had to drop the plan to go to Almora, due to heavy rains in Nainital area. We eventually drove to Nanak Matha, a place that has perhaps the most peaceful Gurudwara in India.

On 1st January, in morning we went to Golu Devta temple at Ghorakhaal (a little above Nainital) and then spent the afternoon/ evening with a bonfire at a small cliff house on the top of Bheemtal.

Ghorakhaal

• To reach there, we need to take the upward road at the junction where we take the down cut for Nainital.

• Golu Devta is incarnation of Lord Shiva and the temple is around 100 years old. Here Lord Shiva has fair skin and he rides a horse.This temple has hundreds of bells. Legend is, if you have a wish, place a bell anywhere in the temple premise, it gets fulfilled.

Bheem Tal

• After the prayers, in afternoon we went to our Moushaji’s house in the forest at the top of Bheemtal hills. His house is near to the house that was used as forest house in movie Koi Mil Gaya.

• We cooked in the guest house and spent the evening just sitting in verandah, talking and watching the evening fall. We did a bonfire. Had dinner and came back to Haldwani by night.

Wish you all a happy new year.

The memory lane..again..

2010-12-27T00:04:00.004+05:30

Yesterday, we came back late after an afternoon trip to Bheemtal. I thought it was a reason sufficient for late rising today morning.

And around 8 AM today, we both (Adi and I) were awake and were trying to fake asleep.

Silence broke. Kuhoo came in the room, dispensed a cup of tea almost on my head, “We are going to Corbett Park. Get up both of you”. To my horror, she had already taken bath by that time.

Adi got up immediately, eyes shining. Message was clear to me; both the terrorists were now on the prowl. I had to get up. Mission statement was given. No questions solicited.

We started from Haldwani at 9 AM. Bhaiya drove the car. Fresh and chill air of Kaladungi forest welcomed us. Holiday was on.

We reached Ramnagar around 10.45 AM. There we had to get into an open jeep and we were asked to wear caps. Of course, both of us hate that.

I had to do something more objectionable to get rid of the stupid cap. I told Kuhoo I will drive the car to the forest. I told since childhood I am passionate about driving an open jeep in a quiet hilly forest. And to her dismay, the driver agreed. Cap was no more mandatory.

I sat on the back seat. And we moved ahead in the forest. Adi was having fun. Kuhoo said she wanted to sit with me.

Of course, I had to wear the cap finally.

After a number of years, we were on the memory lane. We remembered the days spent in Dehradun, the hills, the quiet of the forest and the nip in the air.

Lived those beautiful moments; forgave and forgot the world and myself. Time stopped once again. We completed the safari trip sometime in afternoon.

Our next stop was – Mata Girija Temple - around 20 KM from Ramnagar.

Honestly it is one of the best places I have been to. The temple is in middle of the river on a small cliff surrounded by white sand.

Goddess Girija is an avatar of Goddess Durga. The stairs are steep but safe and manageable.

It was evening by the time, we completed our prayers. Spent some time near the river stream and came back home.

Dulia Jan

2010-12-16T22:38:00.000+05:30

Spent this week at Oil India, Dulia Jan, near Dibrugarh..

Conducted a training during 07.30 AM to 03.30 PM every day. Nice and simple participants. Contrary to what we see on TV; people this side are normally very friendly and peaceful.
Came alone on this assignment. Stayed in a guest house. Unfortunately fell ill the first two days. Not too well till today. Felt lonely after a long time.
Tea gardens are still so beautiful. Saw them en route. Could not get down and go near them.
Indigo flights are really on time. These guys hold the future, they will progress.
Found Kolkata airport crowded. Must be because other airports have been renovated.
Back to Bangalore by 17th Dec evening. In Chennai at my brother’s place on 18th Dec. Leaving for Delhi on 20th Dec evening.

Up in the air...

2010-12-05T12:58:00.009+05:30

I am fat, short and bald. Most of you know anyway.

But to me, it was difficult to know or accept..since it happened slowly, day by day, month by month, over the years I grew up.

Despite that it has been difficult to stop going after those ‘Oh-so-beautiful’ girls around. And there are times even today, when Kuhoo is not watching, I try my luck. Anyway it is easier to apologize than to get permission.

And that has resulted into some learning I am sharing herewith:

Honestly if you are any one of those, that is, fat or short or bald, you are already in disqualified category.You have to be as fool as I am, to keep trying;
If you are fat, they think, you are lazy. Could be lazy even during those hours when they expect you to be agile.
If you are short, reality strikes as early as in school itself. I remember, those tall and sexy ‘Punjabi Kudis’ never really bothered to even look at me. Actually the problem with short is, they suspect you could be something like vacation..never long enough..
If you are bald, let us face it, you don’t look as appealing. Girls look at you only by mistake. You are normally considered ‘old’ and expected to be sober and decent. Worse is, if you try too hard to be sober or decent, they start considering you a ‘safe’ guy.
To some girls, you may act rich. But they too dump you later as soon as they realize that you don’t save as much you earn, to spend on them, obviously.
Some girls will reject you out rightly. The cruel ones will call you ‘Bhaiya’. Kind-hearted ones will give reasons like having a boyfriend, commitment, and engagement etc.

Well while I was typing this post, it looks like I have made a good impression on a cute girl sitting in front of me. She must be thinking I am one of those – ‘always busy- no time for stupidity-reserve and focused’ type guy. I still don’t know why these girls get attracted towards those who don’t pay attention to them.

Anyway, she appears to be boarding the same flight. You never know, her seat is the one next to mine. On second thoughts, I don’t think I am completely bald or too fat or too short. The issue is, I cannot always keep my feet on ground else…I will never be able to put on pants..

Guess sometimes it is ok to be, up in the air.

The ringing bells..

2010-11-28T00:10:00.000+05:30

The train took a sudden stop before Haldwani.

“What is it?” I got up and saw Adi quietly looking out of the window.

“Papa, a station has come but there is no one on it. All I hear some bells ringing?” Adi keeps talking about the voices he believes he hears.

“No and it’s not a station beta, we are at outskirts of Haldwani. Let us start packing. We should reach in few minutes”.

“It’s there Papa. You don’t hear”. Adi shook his head.

“Oh I do beta. But we need to rush”.

I was wrong. And I was lying. The train stood at the outskirts for around half an hour. And I didn’t actually hear anything ringing. Perhaps I wasn’t quiet or open enough.

I found later that on the other side of the train was a temple and actually the bell rang.

Surrounded with past nostalgia, current struggle and uncertain future we end up accumulating and submitting to all our emotions. And in that we fail to hear the sound.

But there are songs to all of them. Songs of an old loss or love, of pain or misfortune, self-inflicted or caused by others, shared or kept within the heart. Songs those help us forgive ourselves as we hear them*.

Perhaps we aren’t as difficult as we pretend to be. We owe a tryst to self acceptance, of whatever we are, however we are and wherever we are. Complains must stop, burdens must go, as we learn to enjoy the present with an open heart and resolute mind.

(* sharing a poem by Wendell Berry, 1987)

I go among trees and sit still.
All my stirring becomes quiet
around me like circles on water.
My tasks lie in their places
where I left them, asleep like cattle…

Then what I am afraid of comes.
I live for a while in its sight.
What I fear in it leaves it,
And the fear of it leaves me.
It sings, and I hear its song.

My Father's eyes..

2010-11-04T00:08:00.001+05:30

There is little bit of chilliness in westerly winds today. Smells like early onset of winter season.

I remember it was one of these days when the letter came from Kolkata. Sonu had cleared the DMET entrance exam. My father almost cried as he blessed, “May you always be happy”.

I really never cared much about why our elders spoke ‘be happy’ almost instantaneously when we conveyed regards to them.

I always construed happiness as an outcome; like getting a good job or life partner. ‘Be happy’ somewhat, meant ‘be successful’ to me.

A long time has gone by since I joined the race to be successful. Am not sure whether I could make it as the definition of success changed at each turn. But quietly, I kept running.

The rainbows were still far when I heard that my father passed away (last 15 October) unattended. We thought we had taken all care and precautions, but despite that he left us behind. And he took away with him a part of me as well; the happy part of me.

I don’t think life will ever be the same again. This race appears to be meaningless as my youth also appears to be racing ahead now.

But I have learnt that ‘Be happy’ doesn’t merely mean ‘be successful’. Happiness is not an outcome; but is a state of mind. We cannot plan to ‘be happy’. We all have to recognize and realize our happiness ‘individually’.

Perhaps happiness lies in what we enjoy doing; and what we enjoy doing comes inspired by the God. Perhaps that’s why our elders actually prayed to God for our happiness when we conveyed our regards.

The world moves on as my father sleeps. Comes from far, the blurred sound of those eternal bhajans and chimes I’ve heard since childhood. I remember what he often used to tell us:

• Life is not a race. We must not get driven by self or anyone’s greed, ego or illusion.

• As we love our lives we must respect death. It can come to us anytime and ‘no one’ can control it. Deathbed mentality helps in focusing on what we enjoy doing and in avoiding time waste on meaningless matters.

The love has just begun..

2010-09-27T03:16:00.002+05:30

My phone rang impatiently during team meeting last Tuesday.

On the other side of the phone was Srestha. A friend, who is difficult to be described, charming and careless, beautiful and intense, cute and a little confused.

“Manish, I just wanted to know if you can come along to Jaipur. We are leaving on Saturday early morning. Please say Yes”.

I answered I’ll try my best. Finally I managed to join. But little did I know that the trip will actually add to one of my fondest memories so far.

The trip..

First rays of the morning fell on the car, as we started at 5.45 AM.

Srestha remained half-asleep for about an hour in the car. And then she began. Within next one hour, I knew about her likes and dislikes, the place she has traveled, those she could not travel and is planning to travel, things to buy and bargain, specialty of jaipur and of perhaps 3-4 such cities in India, her Mom and Dad, her work and then about Sarees, Jewelries in Rajasthan, West Bengal and Karnataka etc.

I watched her talk. She was happy and excited. Thank God, I could come with her.

Words lost their meaning as we moved ahead mesmerized with approaching range of Aravalies.

Jantar Mantar..

We picked up Jantar Manar as our first place to visit. Easily one of the master pieces from our history of astronomy, where all the watches are still working precisely.

We learnt how two persons born in within same sun-sign may have totally different personality and preference.

First impression was made. And that was great.

Hotel..

Around 4.30 PM, we checked in Hotel Teez, a typical RTDC hotel.

We found the hotel quite reasonable (Tariff around 1200 per day), had good food and well-mannered staff. We came out of our rooms by 5 PM for shopping at Jauhri Bazar.

Jauhri Bazar is easily a heaven for local Rajasthani products, jewelry and clothes. Please bargain (~40-50% of price asked).

We both tried to apply our negotiation skills at Jauhri Bazar. We ensured we were not cheated on price or quality of the goods. But no further details please.

Choki Dhani..

By 7.30 PM, we reached Choki Dhani, a place that represents a Rajasathani village with all its cultural and traditional offerings.

This place can only be felt and cannot be explained. No place in India beats this place in food and fun.

We had camel ride, chukkad tea and typical rajasthani food (dal bati, gattay ki sabzi etc, all offered with entrance ticket price). Please don’t miss this food. You'll never forget that taste and experience.

Next Day…

Sunday morning started with Moti Doongri temple (Lord Ganesha). We found the temple clean, quiet and soothing. We sat there for a few minutes before starting for palace museum.

While coming back we got chance to play with pigeons. The museum is wonderful and full of the history and belongings of various rulers of Jaipur till date.

En route..

We then started towards the forts. En route we stopped at Hawa Mahal and Jal Mahal.

The forts..

Rajasthan perhaps has some of the best forts in India. The best part is RTDC and the Government do take care of forts security and cleanliness.

We started with Nahargarh fort..

..then Jaigarh (the fort with largest cannon of the world)..

and finally the Amber fort..

...and the sheesh mahal..the best...this is inside the Amber fort and shows the real 'tashan' of the rulers of jaipur.

We came back to Delhi by Sunday evening remembering each moment of the fun we had. It was such a relaxing trip.

And I took revenge; and kept speaking most of the time while returning back to Delhi. Though I realized later than most of the times, she was sleeping.

I’ve decided I’ll be back soon, and this time with Kuhoo. Wait for me Rajasthan. The love has just begun..

Return to Imperfection..

2010-09-04T14:24:00.006+05:30

(Wasn't well yesterday. Worked from home.)

Adi came back from school, threw his jacket and shoes on the floor and jumped to my lap. Kuhoo shouted, “Slow down. Change your clothes first”.

Careless, he kept telling about all the fun he had in school as I watched him speak. Kuhoo chuckled and went inside the kitchen.

Adi lives in a world of his own. Similar to one I used to, in my childhood. I exactly know how he catches those distant voices, and the fragrances in the air and soil. I know what he sees in old winds, swaying trees and cloudy evenings. With him, it feels like re-living those days again.

Unfortunately the world has become so organized that there is no place for dreams and fantasies any more. Slowly everywhere, logic is dominating and the magic fading. Something we all know and ignore, obscurely. Perhaps, computers will eventually dominate the world and human species will outlive their usefulness.

We are only, our choices. Let us not let that happen. May be if we try, our kids can teach us to be imperfect again.God bless.

A trip to Yercaud..

2010-08-17T21:48:00.011+05:30

Went to Yercaud last weekend to celebrate Kuhoo's birthday.

Found it nice. Herewith some travel tips:

It is only 220 KM from Bangalore. Ideal for a couple of days trip. Road (NH7) is very good. Drive yourself, it takes around 3.5 Hrs.
It's peaceful and yet not commercially spoilt. Try one of the hotels - Grand Palace, Sterlings, Lake Forest and Shevaroys.
Rose Garden and Pagoda Point are good. Killiyur (fall) is good but difficult to go with small kids. There are other places like Ladies Seat, Lake Boat etc where you can spend some time.
Don't buy perfumes unless you want them only as souvenirs.

All the best.

Manish

Trip to Mata Vaishno Devi Temple..

2010-05-14T20:34:00.004+05:30

Spent last week of April and first week of May traveling to Mata Vaishno Devi Temple in Jammu.

Sharing a few pics and some information that you may like to note.

The Best month to go to Vaishno Devi Temple is January.
Don't rush - try to get a room to spend a night near the main temple 'Bhavan'. Get up early next morning and spend some time among the Trikut hills.
Don't climb up/ down barefoot. Take light canvas shoes.
Ponies can be taken to climb up but while climbing down better avoid them. Instead walk and enjoy the scenary.
Take Yatra Parchi in advance. You will thus avoid long queue in Katra to get the same. Yatra Parchi is available online at - https://www.maavaishnodevi.org/yatraparchi_detail1.asp
Paper Walnut is worth buying. Depending on season, it will cost around Rs 150-200/- per Kg. (Walnut season is September-October)

Jai Mata Di....

A melting ice-cream..

2010-05-09T11:13:00.005+05:30

School days..

Ms Anne normally used to wear sleeveless blouse with an almost transparent saree. For us she was like Ms Lily of the ‘Rockford’ story. She was the one we never wanted to miss the class of. She was the one who made us feel like males.

Over a few years, somehow, I developed a guilt pang. A little disturbed, I sought for penance when I finally disclosed it before my confidante, Ruma Di, who lived in my neighborhood.

She wasn’t angry or surprised. Actually she told, “It is ok. A bigger issue to most of the girls is, when one doesn’t find her attractive”.

Came college, came people more generous than Ms Anne..

I understood what are - attitude, snobbishness, insecurity, ostentation and love. I encountered some strange behaviors as well, like - act innocent, show popularity, invite and dump, etc.

I too had love stories or the stories of love. But, obviously I failed before those experts who had mastered the ‘rules of the game’ by that time.

I did learn, though slow, that:

You love a person if you behave in a manner that makes her/ him happy. (And that includes, sometimes, keeping yourself away if that may keep her/ him happy).
Don’t treat that person as a moon, mountain or rain. Express your love.

Came job, came marriage and wife..

Some constraints waived off, many more imposed.

Being with wife is like living in a mango orchard. You can have mango pudding, mango juice, mango pickle, mango ice-cream, mango shake, mango etc..but it is mango that you get ‘all the time’.

So if you want to have strawberry or litchi, and if you are imaginative enough, eat mangos imagining you are eating strawberry or litchi etc.

Came today…

I only see responsibilities and boredom accompanying it.

Today sitting at an almost lonely platform at Haldwani, with a mild sun overhead, I get a feeling of coming too far. I don’t dream anymore, I hardly get surprised over anything. Experience and so-called knowledge has made me a kind of teacher of moral science.

We have been living in a society that idolizes perfection. We recognize either Rama (the best) or Ravana (the worst). For all these years, I have carried both Rama and Ravana inside. In the fight within, I never let Rama die but could never kill Ravana either.

And then came the train…

I got into my favorite side upper berth.

I found an old lady sitting on the lower berth. I found the face familiar. I found Ms Anne.

We talked for some time. She was still so attractive, so self-assured. She told, “You have changed a lot”.

I couldn’t say anything. Indeed I had changed both externally and internally. I felt like crying before she spoke again, “Perhaps you have started expecting too much from yourself and from others. Perhaps you have set too high standards for happiness. Come out it and be happy”.

I got up when the train was coming out of a tunnel.

“…life is like an ice-cream. Enjoy it before it melts”.

Happy New Year !!

2010-01-14T01:17:00.021+05:30

Spent last week of 2009 and first week of 2010 traveling to Munnar, Alleppy, Mahabalipuram, Pondicherry etc. Spent a lot of time introspecting and resolving my priorities. And it helped.

Sharing a few pics and some information that you may like to note.

Munnar

Stay in good resorts only. There are lots of good-for-nothing hotels with catchy websites.
Tea Gardens are best. Wake up early, walk in tea gardens and do not touch plants.
Beef is cooked in most of the hotels. Avoid/ be careful, if you are not too fond of beef.
Don’t try buying a ton of tea. It is not too different from what we get in our cities.

Alleppy

Water is dirty and deep. Be very careful if you are coming with a kid.
Boats start around 12 Noon and stop moving by 5.30 PM. After 5.30 PM, you will stay in same boat till next morning. After another hour moving on boat in the morning, you’ll have to check out.
There is not much price difference between AC and Non-AC boat. And AC works on batteries and is started only at night.
Bring your Music/ Movie CDs and DVDs. Don’t drink too much. Wake up early and have a tea/ coffee on the deck.

Mahabalipuram, Pondicherry

Have written already. Pondicherry is good for a weekend, not more. Try getting Park Guest House, Arvindo Ashram on Beach Road. (Tariff is Rs 600/-).
Visit Auroville near Pondicherry. It’s really good.
Mahabalipuram is good for 1 day. Come back to Chennai or Pondicherry in the night.
Avoid night driving in East Coast Road (ECR). It is good during the day but difficult at night because of no road dividers; and people normally drive too fast.

And I close this post with the point I have decided to follow here on:

"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you should determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you."

Happy New Year !!

For your eyes only..

2009-12-06T17:47:00.007+05:30

(The pressure project is almost over and I am enjoying the festive season now. Also have some plans to go to Munnar-Alleppy during the year-end. Thought I will delurk today to share an event. Trivial, but have to get started anyway.)

I and Kuhoo used to take short trips to Delhi from Dehradun. We were enjoying our first year of marriage. Our trips were hardly planned, most of times, we used to dump few t-shirts, jeans and a towel and head started for any place within an hour.

Dehradun Shatabdi express used to leave New Delhi around 7’o clock in the morning. Around the same time, from same platform number, another Shatabdi (Swarna Shatabdi) used to leave for Amritsar. The two trains used to stand in line, Dehradun Shatabdi ahead of Swarna Shatabdi.

As usual we reached during the last minute and jumped into the train. It was a little less crowded though. We threw ourselves on the chairs and tried to catch breath.

“I am coming in few minutes,” Kuhoo went towards the rest room. I waited for the train to start.

Even after 15 minutes, train did not start and, Kuhoo did not return.

A little worried, I went up to check. I checked all the rest rooms in adjacent bogeys, there was no sign of her. I got anxious.

I approached a TTC standing nearby. He directed me towards one Mr Sharma, a fat and aged looking person who worked for railway protection force.

By that time, I had lost my bearings; I spoke, “My Kuhoo is missing. Can you help?” (I spelled Kuhoo instead of wife. Mr Sharma thought she is my daughter.)

“Relax. Train is delayed for an hour. Have you checked everywhere?”

“Yes. No sign”.

“What is she wearing?”

“I am not sure. I red or pink top and blue or black jeans perhaps”.

“Come on, you should pay attention to these things”.

“I am sorry”. (I was trying to remember. She has a dozen of similar looking tops. It’s humanly impossible to figure out the difference. )

“I will get this announced right away. What’s her age?”

“26”.

“Is she? Oh. Your wife? Your wife is missing?” Mr Sharma suddenly appeared a little relaxed.

“Yes.”

“Have you called on her mobile?”

“I did. It is switched off”.

“See I don’t think one can kidnap her here. Please don’t mind my asking. “Were you in good terms with her? Any possibility of her running away?”

I ridiculed the question. “We love each other, and she will never run away”. (I am not that lucky anyways till today)

“I understand it’s difficult for you to search in this crowd, but keep looking. I will get this announced”.

As he turned towards the gate, I saw Kuhoo coming. I called back Mr Sharma.

“Where were you?” I almost shouted.

Kuhoo was smiling, “I heard train is delayed for an hour. I saw Komal in Amritsar Shatabdi. I sat with her inside. I was seeing you from there. What happened?”

“Yaar you didn’t tell me. How will I know?. I can’t see you in hundreds of people here”.

“But I can”. Kuhoo blinked.

Mr Sharma too smiled, “See you can’t find your wife in crowd, but she can”.

Kuhoo started towards the train. Mr Sharma came again. “Well this also means she always keeps an eye on you”. (She still does. But that's life. Isn't it ?)

A walk in the clouds..

2009-08-30T00:49:00.019+05:30

We were on the way to Coorg, the Scotland of India. The trip was organized by our neighbors. It was after a long time, we were going to the hills.

These days, sometimes, I get very tensed. But I have observed that whenever I have something to ‘look forward to’; I handle the tense moments better. Planning a trip or a get together (that one can look forward to) helps. Of course, how much we spend will depend on time or budget limitations; but if we are serious about planning, we do succeed 80% of the times.

We had a lazy breakfast at Kamath’s (a restaurant at the outskirts of Bangalore). Raindrops greeted us as we moved ahead. We sang our favorite rain songs and flirted with raindrops.

I wished time to slow down.

We reached Kushalnagar around 1’o clock and stopped to see the Namdroling Nyingmapa Monastery at Bailkuppe. Nyingmapa is the most ancient of the four major schools of Tibetan Buddism and maintains the method of tantric teachings (vajrayana). We were at the largest Nyingmapa teaching center in the world.

I get envious of the life these monks live. They don’t have to learn from past or plan for future. They live in their present; and appear to be content and peaceful all the time.

Our next stop was Cauvery Nisargadhama, a small river island known for elephant rides and deer park. We had lunch and then a peaceful walk among the dense bamboo trees.

I enjoyed the fragrance of trees and soil; like a child nearer to the grass and mud.

Around 5 PM, we finally moved ahead towards Madikeri. Mesmerized with beauty of heavily forested hills, when we reached our reserved home-stay, we found ourselves surrounded by high hills.

I found myself at home.

Hills never fail to recognize me. It’s like home coming. It's like a lost love that appears more beautiful every next meeting.

Next morning I trekked among the coffee and pepper plantation along the slope. For next 2 days, I roamed around, saws waterfalls, had campfires.

I don't remember what all I did. I was too busy enjoying the present. I saw the clouds as near as I could touch them. I kept walking in them.

The Notepad..

2009-07-05T13:31:00.004+05:30

During my college days I used to keep pocket size notepads. And I used to write - phone numbers, songs, book names, my to do list, future plans, expenses - anything and everything in it.

Diaries have replaced those notepads now but the pattern continues. Yesterday while cleaning the bookshelf I found one of notepads of year 1995. I started reading that.

I was amused with some of the entries. I am sharing those with you, to express what I think about those after 15 years:

Watched AHAT, good movie, buy audio
Naina’s birthday on 26th
Borrow civil services brochure from Sunil

Watched AHAT, good movie, buy audio

Year 1995 was the year of DDLJ (Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge). During this year another movie named Akele Hum Akele Tum was released.

I had no clue or review of that movie. But I went to watch the actress Manisha Koirala. I like chubby girls ; )

In the movie, the guy (AK - Aamir Khan) and the girl (MK - Manisha Koirala) had a common career. AK acts selfish till relationship breaks. AK fails and MK becomes a star. They go through troubled times. Finally AK tries to correct himself and MK forgives. They reunite.

I have always felt that even the worst looking relationship can be corrected if there is sense of realization of mistakes and forgiveness. But our ego comes in between. We expect each other to make up first.

Don’t wait. Make up first, even if you are on right side. Happiness starts where ego ends. I practice this in my life. It works.

Naina’s birthday on 26th

Naina was one of those simple looking girls in my college who believed in studies. She was sensitive and a little reserved.

Unfortunately I was more attracted towards lovelier looking girls; but I liked her. I sent her an unnamed bouquet on her birthday. Nothing happened till my birthday came when I received a bouquet from her. The very next day, I asked her. She smiled, “If you can send flowers to me, why can’t I?”

I still don’t know who disclosed my name; but I think, girls know, somehow. And if one could communicate to himself in the past; I would have asked myself never to lose touch with that girl.

But I've lost touch. Today I checked in Orkut, Linked in, etc, but she is not visible. I hope she is doing well.

Never let a good friend go. Send small surprise gifts….sometimes may be a visit or a phone call is good enough.

Borrow civil services brochure from Sunil

I can’t explain how much I was worried about civil services. I spent sleepless nights. I discussed with hundreds of people on what should be my career. I thought of becoming an IAS officer. But it so happened that I never even appeared once in any civil services examination.

I think destiny has a major role in our lives. I think, I work hard. I do take challenges. I fail and succeed. But I have realized, even master blaster Sachin may not come out successful in T20 matches.

When someone tells me, I am not good in a subject; I always hear I am good in another subject. Finally the overall capabilities are equal between two people. We do well once we identify the subject we are strong in. Successful people identify their area of strength a little earlier than the rest.

Wish you all the best.

Cruelty..

2009-06-28T11:24:00.004+05:30

(A few months back (!) IHM tagged me to write on Cruelty. Blame it to the stupid projects or the stupid ways I am doing them, I have not been able to blog these days. I hope to be regular from now on.)

Some questions come when I think about ‘Cruelty’.

Is cruelty about causing pain and distress, heartlessly, deliberately? How is that measured? Is it based on the inhumanity of assaulter or the suffering of the victim or the perception an observer will carry?

I have some observations:

My elder cousin used to bully me for chocolates, front seat, toys and for almost everything we were asked to share during childhood days. My cousin never realized that and at very few times anyone observed that. It was a cruelty and I was the victim.
Once I threw stones on the frogs in our kitchen garden during rainy season. I did not realize what I am doing, my mom saw it late. By that time I had killed one. It was again a cruelty and the frog was the victim.
On the first day in college, I was asked to go and get the size of b** of the girls in my section. I was slapped by some of the girls. And then I was slapped by my seniors too for missing entries. It was cruelty that my principal did not see; I almost cried while my seniors (including senior girls) laughed.
My first girl friend left me because she had found a richer guy to marry. She had to do that; no one observed that. It was cruelty that I could not bear and I cried.

I think all of us are Cruel by instinct though some of us can be a little less cruel than others. Perhaps we are animals; at least some kind of. But we have to live with that.

We have also seen the Cruelty of nature. Again we have to live with that.

The complications are when we look at Cruelty for a reason (acceptable or otherwise).

Consider a victim of cruelty. Consider I act back against my cousin, my girl friend etc. I found one of my friends ragging the freshers because he was ragged in his first year. But all this is still a cruelty. At least to an observer who is unaware of the past. Actually an observer can never know the complete details. His viewpoint will remain skewed towards what and how he has been informed.
I called the Pest Control guys and ensured all cockroaches, rats and mosquitoes get killed. The rat poison chokes the air supply to rat’s heart. It comes out in air to breath and dies in open due to breathing failure. Perhaps I will never do that again; perhaps I will do that again, when rats re-start cutting the electrical wires of my car and appliances. I don’t know.
I have seen cruelty inflicted on a daughter-in-law when required dowry could not be given. I have also seen the cruelty inflicted on a mother-in-law who was forced out of his son’s house.
Non-acceptable reasons for cruelty are something we must watch out and react against. To increase vote bank, some politicians in my country create distances between two religion, communities and people. The most powerful country in the world creates imbalance between countries to sell arms and to gain regional controls.
I felt so angry when a shameful incident took place in my state in a pub. Such sick people need to be brought to the law. I have seen movies on war crimes, genocide etc. This tells me about cruelty due to mental disorders.

Action against Cruelty by Instinct or acceptable reasons can be patience and forgiveness. We all have these tendencies as well, again in varying proportions.

Action against Cruelty of Nature is to care of it a little more. It may be cruel but it’s lovely too. Most of us love nature though it shows the ugly face sometimes.

Cruelty for un-acceptable reasons must be retaliated individually and collectively. Laws of society, state and countries have been drawn for them. If need be, they need to be re-drawn. We must express this in all forms.

A missed call..

2009-04-26T15:59:00.004+05:30

Phone rang relentlessly in the wee hours of Sunday morning.

Half asleep I groped around the bed. I had slept late last night. For last few months working till late has become unavoidable. I picked up the phone.

“Remember me?”

I hate early morning calls and I got a little annoyed with the question. I tried to recognize the voice, “Can’t hear you properly”.

“Setu here; how are you?”

“Hey ! Setu.” I almost screamed.

Setu was my school friend. He moved to New Jersey 10 years back. We were a little out of touch recently. We studied in same college; shared somewhat dissimilar thoughts, discussed a lot about career and girls. “Your accent has changed a bit. I am fine. How about you?”

“I am coming to India”.

“Really?”

“Manish, you were right. I understand your point now. I had a chat with Sweta also. Let us make another trip to Rajpur.”

Setu always liked to make money when I told money isn’t everything; he always liked high society life that I felt, several times, too artificial; he believed in passion when I believed in flexibility. He was focused, I was confused. He had girlfriends, I had none.

We were at par in studies. We respected each other. Later I joined a company as a Management Trainee. Setu waited for a chance to go abroad. He finally managed to. And since he has earned a lot of money and has lived a high quality life. I too worked on my weaknesses. Got a decent job, got married and settled in Bangalore.

Sweta was Setu’s girlfriend then and now the life partner. Once three of us went to Rajpur and stayed overnight in a camp. The whole night we sat and discussed about the real life we had to see ahead. While I spoke to take life as it comes, Setu talked about dreaming big. Sweta shared similar views those I had and she loved Setu.

“Come here. We will plan. Though I am not sure whether I will be able to go to Rajpur. We can plan anywhere near and around Bangalore”. “Hope everything is fine at your end”.

“Manish, I have run too fast. I feel exhausted. I want to slow down. Want to spend the life you spoke about”.

“What happened Setu?” This was not the Setu I knew.

“Nothing. Just that I want to take it easy now.”

But Setu didn’t know that his views had actually changed me. I too had started dreaming big. Since last 10 years, I tried to become Setu. I turned into a perfectionist from an easy going guy. And I achieved what I wanted to. To catch Setu I also ran fast. But perhaps because I never completely believed in his ideology, I could never catch him. And finally I stand today, dreamless and realizing Setu too has stopped chasing those big dreams.

“You know Setu, I somehow followed what you believed in. And in this I lost my ordinariness.”

“Don’t tell me Manish. You told you will never change”.

“I did Setu. But today there is more Setu in me than Manish. You taught me to dislike mediocrity; I came over it. Now flamboyance sucks me.”

Of late I see more life in ordinariness. It’s like knowing all roads of the jungle. And all roads of the jungle are known to only those who have got lost in it. Success alienates a person to all those small things in life that life is made of.

“Manish, I am coming back. We will trek again together to Rajpur. We will talk. I want to re-live those moments.”

“I understand”.

“Throughout my life I chased my dreams. One dream after the other. And in this I lost touch with my friends, created distance with parents, got money but life slipped out. Objectivity replaced amusement. I am boring at best, anxious at worst.”

“You have been my alter ego Setu; and finally we have a common problem” I smiled.

“How is Kuhoo?”

I turned around to look for Kuhoo. But she was not on bed.

“Wake up”, I saw Kuhoo standing near me with tea. “We are planning to go to Mekadatu today’.

She continued, “I took your phone in morning. Setu had called. I told you’re sleeping. He and Sweta are coming to India for a week”.

“I didn’t miss that call”, I smiled back. She looked at me in disbelief as I enjoyed the cardamom tea.

Goodbye Friends..

2009-01-26T13:44:00.001+05:30

Friends I am taking a short hibernation.

Nothing specific, just that office work getting more intense, some added responsibilities and some balancing act to do.

I will be around. Mostly reading, and may be sometimes writing or commenting to your posts.

God bless you all.

A Wet Towel Dilemma...

2009-01-10T23:44:00.003+05:30

Yesterday morning, I came out of bathroom, half naked. As usual I was racing against the clock to start for office. Dressed myself and came out for breakfast.

“Have you left the wet towel again on the bed”, Kuhoo inquired arranging the plates.

Shoulders down, I tried my standard answer, “There was no other place”.

She smiled like a stubborn boss, “There are lots of places to keep if you look around”. I normally don’t argue back when she is smiling; you’ll never know what is in her sleeves.

But the problem continues and here I explain.

The bathroom is attached to the bedroom. The most visible object I see coming out of the bathroom is my bed.

It’s also the place where my shirt and trousers are kept for wearing that day. Jumping on one leg when I put on the trousers, the bed is the only place I can throw the towel.

And I must free my hands to secure the buttons and zip else the outcome can be worse, considering my maid can anytime barge into the room without knocking the door even once.

The other option I have is to go jumping on one leg towards the balcony and keep the towel on the wire. But the problem is - my balcony is visible from my hot padosan’s kitchen. She is the spice of my life currently and I don’t want to be seen by her when I am not properly dressed.

I could have attempted a Salman or even a John Abraham, but the problem is I have only one pack to show.

Twice I gave that to Adi to keep the towel on a chair. But he tied that around his neck and started running around, “I am Per-man”.

Once I threw it under the bed but that night I was asked to wash it.

Friends actually I don’t want to test Kuhoo patience but I am running short of ideas. Can you help?

Awards and New Friends..

2009-01-03T11:04:00.007+05:30

This blog is to thank IHM and Mampi for the awards they have given me.

This one 'Bloggers for World Peace' came from IHM with comments: "Some bloggers give us Hope. They are bloggers who care, for ALL THE CITIZENS of this World. These bloggers can see above the generalizations of Caste, Community, Religion, Language, Region, Race and National boundaries. They are the hope of our UNITY IN DIVERSITY".

This one 'Proximidade Award' came from Mampi with comments: "The citation of the award reads that this award is given to a blog that invests and believes in PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships!"

Thanks Friends.

And you know what you have done ? You have given me links to some new bloggers who I have added in my favorites list.

Cheers
Manish

The Tea Pot...

2009-01-02T00:45:00.005+05:30

(Friends, I am very sorry for my absence. Last few weeks have been very hectic. The only respite was a week I could manage out of office. I traveled with family from Bangalore to Mumbai and then from Mumbai to Dwarka by train. And finally today I could get some time to write.)

It was around 2 in the night on 24th December. I was traveling towards Dwarka in a train from Mumbai.

Expectedly everyone around was sleeping. Kuhoo and Adi were sleeping on the lower berth. I too was trying to sleep lying on the upper one.

I looked at Kuhoo. She looks more beautiful in slumber, perhaps even more when I can’t touch her. In the start of this month she had complained I was getting too involved in office again.

Actually I was. Therefore I had a taken a week break. It was good time to retrospect and to catch up with life.

I remember our honeymoon trip to Darjeeling when we talked and walked across the hill roads of Darjeeling hand in hand. I had decided to balance my work and life. Since then five years have passed; and I have failed every year though with changing percentage.

In one evening at Chowrasta, Darjeeling, we had stopped for tea. Kuhoo asked me about my priorities in life. Unprepared, I muttered something I don’t remember. Actually I had never thought seriously about anything other than my career plan. She had smiled and told, “Hope you will include me in your priorities”.

And I remember her half-filled eyes when she started telling about her childhood, her likes and dislikes, every little thing she wanted to try but was never allowed, every little dream she wanted to live with but could not pursue, the fantasies and expectations she confined within herself.

Unfortunately a girl child in our society is taught more don’ts than do’s. Behavioral controls are often too futuristic and uncalled for. This may result into lack of confidence and independence. We talked for hours. I promised her the world. She told I was her world.

Today I see some signs of change in myself but she fights for her world to be intact. Sometimes I feign being practical but she wants to live in the dreams I had shown. And her faith in those dreams is so strong that it changes the reality I live in.

During our trip to Dwarka, I could spend good time with Kuhoo. I saw her sometimes in retrospect and sometimes giggling carelessly, sometimes in a quiet long hug and sometimes feeding the sea birds on boat.

I remember Kuhoo telling me once, “I am like a tea-pot. I have more steam inside than what appears at aperture”.

The only resolution I have for New Year is, I will try to bring more smiles to my near and dear ones in this year.

Wish you all a very Happy New Year.

Bamboo tree flowers..

2008-12-07T13:29:00.003+05:30

Meetu was around my age and was my best friend in school. Her father was the owner of a local restaurant in town.

We studied in same class and lived in same locality. We used to go to school together. And in school most of the times we sat and played together. We also used to visit each other house. Meetu used to keep her share of Misti Dahi for me; she also shared all those story books her father brought for her.

Our parents did not mind our meetings since we lived in same locality. After school, we used to meet in the evening.

En route to Meetu’s house, there was an area where a bunch of Bamboo tree had come. Opposite to that was a small mount where we used to sit and play till sunset. Meetu disliked the bamboo tree. I, too, did not like that much but I remained curious as that was surely a different type of tree.

To see Meetu happy, one evening, I took an axe and, hesitatingly though, chopped off the Bamboo tree. I waited for Meetu to come but she was getting late that evening.

I looked at the stems and leaves desiccating. I started feeling a little uncomfortable. I eventually felt guilty. I was no more, happy.

Meetu came. She saw me and what I had done. She did not speak anything and sat with me. I felt the void in that area and repented cutting the bamboo tree. Though Meetu did not like that tree but the absence brought even more uneasiness to her.

A week passed by. One day Meetu came running to my house and told that Bamboo tree has sprouted again. Both of us ran towards the tree; we saw the new leaves coming. We watered it. We felt happy doing that; that evening we sat on the mount till late.

I and Meetu knew that day that a wrong deed makes you uncomfortable and a good deed is what that makes you happy.

Friends, I have seen greed, aggression, indolence and indulgence in people around me. I guess we all have these basic problems (or weaknesses) in varying proportions. But what I notice is, a visible lack of confidence or ease when we get into such act (exclude psychopaths).

The issue is, these basic problems give birth to consequential problems in us and in ‘others’ as well. Perhaps this is why a thief says his poverty a reason for his act; and reason of poverty either be his own indolence or others greed and indulgence. Perhaps this is why a killer mentions his act as revenge; and the revenge because of others greed or aggression.

The worry is, people having consequential problems assign a reason to their wrong deed. And perhaps therefore they ‘do not’ lack confidence or feel uncomfortable like I felt when I cut the bamboo tree. They think what they are doing is justified. Perhaps therefore some terrorists appear so confident.

Thankfully, the laws of society and state have evolved to control and monitor such consequential problems. An honest execution and administration of law can curb them and this remains the primary responsibility of our leaders and public administrators.

After two decades, the bamboo tree is flowering these days. Meetu says the tree will die. She tells it’s an alarm bell. I too see an alarm bell ringing around all of us. We too, need to be alert. Alert of any misguidance coming from others and also of our own weaknesses.

Catch another butterfly..

2008-11-17T00:18:00.004+05:30

(Last couple of weeks has been very hectic. During weekends all I could do was catching up with a few office assignments. Life went on, albeit not without this event, I am sharing herewith.)

It was a Thursday evening two weeks back. I was on my way back to Bangalore after a week long official trip to Raigarh.

I had to catch the night train from Raigarh. In hurry, I had reached station a little early. And the train was running around an hour late.

My ticket was done by my hotel’s travel desk. It mentioned waiting list 3 for which they had assured that it would be confirmed.

I sat on platform number 2 waiting. It was not too late in night but the platform was almost empty. Vignettes of tea-vendors, book-stalls went through as I breathed slowly after a tiring day. It was getting cold as well. I wore my jacket and cuddled with my laptop. Time slowed down as I tried hard not to sleep.

Since childhood, I have waited. I have waited to grow old, I have waited to become self-dependent, I have waited for the people who’ll love me, I have waited for happiness, I have waited for my child, I have waited to connect to the world, I have waited to listen to others and to express my feelings, I have waited for rest. The wait continues.

Train reached almost an hour late. There were no charts, no other person traveling with me from that station. I got into the train thinking my ticket would have been confirmed and I would get the berth number from the TT onboard.

It was late night by then and curtains were drawn by the travelers. Almost everyone was fast asleep. I decided not to disturb them and I waited outside near the wash basin area for the TT.

No one came for long. It was getting colder in the night. I sat on my bag and closed my eyes.

I got up when I heard the flow of water. I saw a girl washing her face and continually giving me a corner eye. She went inside and came out of the rest-room as I sat awake. I saw the dislike in her eyes as she banged the door while going back to her berth.

She must have thought I was traveling without ticket. I was wearing a dark jacket and somewhat dirty jeans. I felt very bad and cursed the TT for not showing up. The issue was I had to catch the morning flight to Mumbai from Raipur and in the evening I had my onward flight to Bangalore. It was too costly to get down, cancel the flights and re-book.

Train picked up speed as I looked outside. I remembered when I was studying, my travels were mostly unplanned. I had to travel waitlisted several times. I traveled sometimes during holidays, sometimes after exams. Sometimes happy about passing the exam; sometimes anticipating I’ll meet someone. I cared a damn about getting a berth to sleep. I did not need any sleep to dream. My ‘Weekender’ jacket was enough to keep me warm. But that thursday night I had nothing to dream. I just wanted to sleep. That night I was worried what would that girl think about me. That night I lived for the world more than for myself.

Finally TT came; he could offer me a seat. But I did not sleep because the train had to reach Raipur at 2.20 AM in the night. I reached Raipur, took morning flight to Mumbai. And after completing my work in Mumbai, I took the evening flight to Bangalore.

Bangalore flight was a quite crowded that day. I had decided to sleep through out. I had hardly buckled up when I was told I have been upgraded to business class. I thought it was even better place to sleep. Happily I came ahead, kept my bag and slept.

“Towel for you sir”, I heard as I got up. I saw the air-hostess. I saw the same girl.

She wore a red skirt instead of salwar, and of course, she looked different. My sleep was gone. I almost smiled.

But she had something else to tell. After completing her work, she came and told; she actually wanted to offer me a seat with her because she was not sleeping and had to get down at Raipur. She did not do that because this could have been misunderstood by others. Ice broke; she went on and discussed from current economic crisis to her impending marriage in Bangalore.

I came back home. Adi loved seeing me after a week. He told me a dozen stories about the week gone by. He talked about his school, his friends, his plans to go to water-park. He showed me his cars, stones, and his drawings. He kissed and hugged me all the time.

He need not think what others will think about him; he need not be bothered whether he can be misunderstood. He does what he wants.

He does not know the inhibitions and restrictions an adult life comes with. And I have decided I will teach him the bare minimum. And before he wants to become a man, I will tell him to wait; before he gets impacted by others, I will tell him to catch another butterfly.

Who are you..

2008-10-19T22:22:00.002+05:30

It was 10th October. I was on a weekend trip to Pondicherry. I got up early morning and went to the sea-side.

I was walking on the stones kept along the sea-shore when I saw a middle aged person sitting on the stone and staring towards the horizon. “He must be meditating”, I thought. As I approached near, he looked at me, and smiled.

“Good morning”, I said. But I did not stop.

I saw many people sitting there and meditating. I spent some time at the beach and came back.

At breakfast in my hotel, I saw that person again. I felt caught when he greeted me again with smile. I went near him.

“Who are you”? He asked.

“I am Manish”.

“Good Morning Manish”. He smiled again, “Who are ‘you’?”

“I am an SAP consultant”.

“It’s a nice job”. He kept looking at me, “Who are ‘you’?”

I felt there is something he wanted to communicate. I pulled a chair and sat near him. “I don’t know”, I said finally. “What do you see?”

He was a person in peace with himself. I was getting ‘familiar’ vibes. His eyes and smile gave a feeling of his resolution and a sense of friendliness.

“I see a bee”.

I gave him a straight eye, “A bee?”

He smiled again and continued, “In the valleys of Himalayas, there are lakhs of bee colonies. Northern states in India like J&K, Punjab, and Uttaranchal etc are abode of millions of bees. There, each bee lives a life like we do. They work, grow and die.

Suppose one asks a bee the purpose of its life. Depending on the type of the bee - you will hear - to work or to reproduce - ‘together’.

Suppose one asks the bee-farmer the purpose of a bee’s life. The answer will be - to produce honey. To a bee-farmer - everything is set-up or simulated with an ultimate aim of honey production.

To a bee-farmer - it’s only an ‘experiment’.”

“Manish, the fact is - the purpose of your life - will differ depending on who you are asking.”

I muttered, “You mean my identity does not come out from the purpose”.

“True”, He said. “Therefore I do not discuss much the purpose of life. I discuss the ‘way’ to life. Your way to life describes your identity.”

“And that should be?”

He was slowly getting into a kind of trance, “Manish, I have always considered there is a ‘bee-farmer’ watching us. Is he the God? I don’t know. I also do not know whether he is as merciful as we think. I am not sure whether he creates the earthquakes and tsunamis.

But I am sure he has given us a beautiful world to live in. He has given us - intelligence in our brain and love in our heart.

Like the bee-farmer, he wants his experiment to be a success. But for that, all the bees need to live in harmony and work together.

That’s the only way that meets the purpose of a bee’s life - whether you see from the bee-farmer’s or from a bee’s eye.

If we don’t live in harmony, the experiment may fail. Like the bee-farmer who has no choice than to burn the diseased bee-hives; he will be bound to destroy us all.”

“I meditate to connect to the bee-farmer; I always get directions to live and work together.”

“Go ahead; make as many friends as possible. Let that be your way to life. That will answer correctly ‘who are you’.”

A City to Remember..

2008-10-12T00:19:00.006+05:30

Last Thursday was a holiday. I took a leave for Friday as well. No specific plan, I just wanted to get some sleep.

But on Thursday morning, I forgot about the holiday and almost got ready when Kuhoo reminded me. “You are becoming mechanical day by day”, she said. “We are going to Pondicherry for a couple of days. You can carry your laptop if that is must”.

That was considerably generous announcement but I tried hard to find out something to abort the plan. “It must be hot there. I don’t want to travel that far. We need to get hotel reservations”. I failed to understand what is so special in Pondicherry; must be another beach city, madly crowded and dirty. “I am tired of leering at wet babes”.

Kuhoo was unmoved. I had to agree to drive 330 Km each side. We started late in the morning and reached Pondicherry in around 6-7 hours. We did check-in a hotel by evening.

Friday morning, I got up early and went to the sea-side (there is no sand beach in Pondicherry). I was walking on the stones kept along the sea-shore. I saw a middle aged (age around 40 something) person sitting on the stone and staring towards the horizon. “He must be doing some Yoga”, I thought.

As I approached near, he looked at me, smiled. “Good morning”, I said. But I did not stop. I did not want any lesson on Yoga etc. I kept walking.

I slowed down ahead when I saw a beautiful girl sitting on the stone and doing the same thing. She sat without any movement, without noticing the world around. I stopped. I looked around. I found another 20-25 people doing the same thing; all staring at horizon, waiting for dawn. I came back.

At breakfast in my hotel, I saw that person again. I felt caught when he greeted me again with smile. I went near him. “Who are you”? He asked.

“I am Manish”. He repeated the question. I gave my full name, my job details, my hometown etc. He kept repeating the same question. And then I received the message.

Well friends, it may not be sufficient to mention what all I discussed on the breakfast table that Friday morning. But I must tell you, most of us need to discover ourselves a lot more. We are indeed becoming very mechanical and self-centered. For last two days in Pondicherry, I have smiled and said ‘hello’ to almost everyone and have got that back almost every time.

Pondicherry is - the city of Meditation. It’s a place to be.

My new found friend was from Auroville, around 14 Km from Pondicherry. It’s a small township of people from around 40 countries, who do variety of research activities (including Yoga and Meditation) for human peace and unity. Herewith I am sharing with you some of the snaps that may describe the mood of the city.

My Addictions...

2008-10-05T12:24:00.021+05:30

Last week Mampi tagged me to write about my addictions. Thanks friend, it’s so nice of you. You made me think.

Actually I never thought I am addicted to anything or anyone. But when I understood the definition of ‘Addiction’, I guess I have too many. Herewith I share with you some those sit at the top.

1. Bridges

I too believe that some words have physical meaning not just meaning; depending on how they sound or conjure up in mind. To me, a bridge is one such word.

Bridges always attract me. I have photographed hundreds of bridges (added below a few).

Bridges connect, physically and mentally. It connects places and it also connects people. It also connects time. A bridge called ‘memory’ connects me to my past; a bridge called ‘dream’ connects me to future. (For those who have read - Bridges on Madison County; a bridge called Robert Kincaid connected Francesca to her childhood dream).

If two may construct a bridge in between they become friends; and if they are ready to cross to other side, it’s love.

For a person like me who has always wished to connect to as many number of people as possible, bridges have a strong presence inside.

2. Time Dilation

Well, in class 8, I came to know about the concept of ‘Time Dilation’. And since, this concept has amused me the most.

Consider, you are traveling with (or near to) the speed of light. (This will happen in years to come, for sure some day). And that day friends, time dilation will show. I will see your and my clock showing different time !

Read this link: http://www.nasa.gov/worldbook/relativity_worldbook.html

“…Consider two spaceships, A and B. The ships are moving relative to each other at a speed close to c. There is a clock in each ship. Both clocks keep time accurately, and people in both ships can see both clocks. Strangely, the people in the two ships will read the clocks differently. The people in Spaceship A will observe that the clock in Spaceship B is running more slowly than the clock in Spaceship A. But the people in Spaceship B will observe that the clock in Spaceship A is running more slowly than the clock in Spaceship B.

Time dilation actually occurs at all relative velocities. But at everyday velocities, even the most sensitive instruments cannot detect it. Thus, people are not aware of time dilation as they go about their normal activities….”

If you have interest in time and space, please open an account in http://www.nasa.gov/ and you will amazed to see the articles, photographs, research notes there. This is an amazing world. This is my other addiction.

3. Being among the hills
I am very fond of traveling. And I am at my best if the destination is a hill.

It’s strange, as I see myself born and brought up in the plains. I have sat for hours on a hill top. Perhaps on a hill you are nearer to the God.

Before I die, I will tell my son to throw my ashes somewhere among the hills. May be, if God gives me another life, that time I will grow among the hills.

Romeo must not die..

2008-09-14T23:48:00.003+05:30

My first crush was a girl who studied with me when I was doing Company Secretaryship.

Well, the competition was high. Our group has a dozen others who vied for her. And, of course I was not the smartest of the lot, but I used to score the most, most of the times in course reviews.

But I was shy. Our friendship was limited to ‘good morning’ or ‘hello’. Answers were known and did not help much. Everyday I used to prepare myself for situations like - she sits next to me, she asks for a coffee, or she asks ‘how are you’.

Days passed by. And one day I reached a little late. Class has started. I stepped towards the last bench and sat.

“How come you are late today”, I saw her sitting next to me smiling. For a moment I forgot to breathe. All my practice of weeks forsook as I tried to get my composure back, ‘I got caught in rain’.

Results were declared that day; I had scored the highest again. She has passed as well, though she did not do well in one the subjects. We discussed that during the day and shared notes.

It was drizzling outside when the class got over. As usual I came out and stepped towards my bike. My eyes went wide as she stood near the gate, ‘Can you drop me at Bailey Road’? God, this is unfair. It was too much for me to handle in a day. Hurriedly I wiped dry the back seat and tried to start the bike.

The bike did not start.

It had rained heavily that day. I cleaned the spark plug; I kept the choke full, I prayed God, I did everything I could, but the bike did not start for strange reasons. Finally I said ‘Sorry’. We walked from the course center to Bailey Road, side by side, as the drizzle turned into a rain.

When we reached the Bailey Road, she told me, ‘I think, I like you’. I had heard this is the way; girls tell ‘I love you’. I was gasping for words as she continued, it’s because I was honest and simple. She took an auto rickshaw and went with a goodbye smile. I came home soaked by the rain.

I could not forget the day. The whole night I stayed awake. I kept thinking, planning, smiling. I was in love. That day, I forgave the world. I had no complaint whatsoever with anyone. I lived in the perfect world.

World changed back to real at the end of the session, I had cleared my Intermediate Level. She had failed. She came and congratulated me. She also said she is going to get married next to next month with a CA in Delhi. My perfect world and love had deserted me.

I decided I will never fall in love again.

Inevitably I got married. Inevitably I fell in love with my wife. And I also fell in love with the wilderness of the night, with the long autumn distances, with ancient evenings, with my childhood, and with myself.

Well I fight with my wife. I disagree on kind of furniture we purchase, on kind of food we eat, on kind of in-laws participation we undergo, on countless other things, so may times.

But do I still love her? -‘Yes’.

I can’t explain but despite all the difference of opinions, we have over various topics, ‘I love her’. And so do most of the couples like us.

So are we in a perfect world or in a real world? - I guess ‘Both’.

It actually depends on how we perceive at a given time. See the following picture:

Nobody is perfect until you touch the line of love.

We all are logical people; we all have our own ways of seeing things. Our mind generates the logic that gives us bread to survive. Unfortunately it also generates lots of non-productive logic that keeps us differing with each other, if our survival is not the question.

And Mind sometimes creates illusions.

For example: ‘If someone tells you, ‘I think, I like you’. It is for sure, it is not from heart, it is from mind. Mind thinks and Heart can only feel.

Another example: ‘If someone tells you, ‘I like you because you are honest and simple’. It is only a minds work. Love can not answer ‘Why’?

When I look back, I realize, the girl who met me during Company Secretaryship never actually loved me.

When I see today, the girl who keeps fighting with me feels so uncomfortable when she does not see me around for sometime.

To me my wife brings me the real as well as the perfect world. So does most of the spouse to each other in the world.

Friends, every time we believe in each other, we touch the perfect world, the world of love. Let us learn to believe. The Romeo inside must not die..

To the Silent Anchorites...

2008-08-11T00:38:00.006+05:30

Don’t remember the age when this happened. I think I was about to complete the primary school. I was running across the rooms chasing my brother.

The chase stopped when I had hit the center table of sofa. That was the day when annual results were out. We both had topped in our classes. It was a special day and mummy was busy preparing those 'gulab jamuns'. I was happy. But I had hit the table.

That was a time to cry. I looked at my bruised toe. And started thinking about it, “it will now cause pain for a couple of days”. “But should I cry now”?

I decided I will not cry. I started deceiving my mind and nervous system. I tried to smile. I managed to smile.

My brother could not believe it. He looked at me; he looked at my toe and started crying. Mummy came running, she had heard the thud. Without wasting any moment she started cleaning and bandaging. I saw her face, she was confused too. But she completed the first aid immediately.

I had become the brave son. I got bonus 'gulab jamuns'. My brother also gave me one from his share.

That night, I watched my pain more carefully. I tried to watch that sensation. I bore that indifferently. And I slept peacefully. That night I had tamed my mind.

25 years have passed since. When I opened my eyes today morning, Adi came running to me, sat in my lap and closed his eyes. It was a little strange.

Kuhoo rushed inside the room. There was some bit of panic on her face. “He has hit the door chasing his car”, Kuhoo whispered.

I looked at him. He had kept his eyes closed. I saw him fighting with pain. I did not speak, but I was more in pain this time. After 6 years, today, I could understand the pain suffered by those silent anchorites in Doon valley.

It was 26th January 2002, a holiday for us who were on a project side at Dehradun. We had decided to trek to Mussourie.

We had hired a car to reach the start of the trekking point, known as "Shahenshahi Ashram" near Rajpur. It was an open morning after a rainy evening, day before. We had kept a pair of clothes, water, first aid, chocolates and chewing gums and a flask of tea.

After half an hour we were crossing the dense forest that surrounds Dehradun. I enjoyed those long 'bulbul' trees blooming with tiny yellow flowers, birds in their celebrative best and the early morning sun perforating through the trees.

We reached the ‘Shahenshahi Ashram’ and started our trek. Early morning mountain winds greeted us. The terrain was new to us. Eventually we lost our way. But there was no hurry; we enjoyed being lost. And I was, at home.

The climb got steeper and the trees denser. We were getting tired. We ate all the chocolates and finished all the water we had brought. It was when we were deciding to come down, we saw an old shepherd. We ran to him, asking the way to Mussourie.

That old shephard took us through a mountain stream. The sound of water echoed the valley and as we approached the stream, valley looked greener. In the backdrop were the huge mountains. My steps slowed down as I saw some cemented steps.

Among all the scattered rocks, trees and hills I felt a quiver. I started watching around. I felt those trees and hills wanted to ‘tell’ something.

I went near to that shepherd and asked him about that place. And what he told me was about a forgettable event. He told about an old limestone mine where hundreds of years back, thousands of workers worked. They lived in the foothills totally cut off the whole world. They were simple people and were totally dependent on earnings from limestone mine. The steps on the mountain were built for those workers to climb and reach the mine. The supplies went to Dehradun and Delhi.

"Where are they" - I asked. The old man stopped and said, 'most of them died. There was a massive landslide one day and hundreds of workers were buried under the rocks. And after that the state government decided to close the mine. Those who survived went to Dehradun to earn their livelihoods'. That old shepherd was one of those survived the tragedy.

I was numb. I looked around; I saw the remains of the mine, the water system, and old truck road, and the mark of the huge slide, everything. "Who cares?", I thought. Was anyone affected ? I left that place in disgust.

But today, I felt about those trees and mountains. I remembered their silence, as silent as tears. We all have learnt to bear our pains, but bearing others pain has been so difficult. Let us become postulants to those trees and mountains, who have mastered them all.

Hello Happiness

2008-07-29T22:09:00.003+05:30

hello happiness
its long time..

its long time,
since you crawled at me,
like you did
every time I crawled to mummy..

do you remember
the days you toddled
to hold me
when I fell on the floor..

and the days you ran
when I ran
to catch those
colourful kites..

that walk in the woods
when you smelt
with the moist soil
and fresh green leaves..

those nights we spent
among the mountains
with the bracing wind
and the bonfire..

its long time..
i miss you so often
froze in crowd..
lost in plans..

hello happiness
please come back now..
we still have a tryst
with the autumn calms.
.

Sheel Vardhan Singh's - A Runner's Story**

2008-07-12T03:15:00.001+05:30

As a child, I would play in the afternoon. There were no structured games; life was just a merry dance for us children for we were not even worried about the evening. Behind the old cottage where we lived, there was a garden full of wild flowers that acted like a buffer or rather a transition zone between the well-kept vegetable beds attached to the cottage and the woods beyond. Chasing butterflies in the garden was what life was all about.

As an adult, I often wondered if running was all about chasing rainbows. A fellow senior runner, a regular like myself, once told me that running is about being always fit enough to realize one’s dreams and, yes, if one falls down, it’s about being able to get up, limp a little if in pain, and then start running again.

Youth is that stage in life when all possibilities look real. I ran, and I ran after my dreams that looked so clear, three dimensional and concrete! Life moved on fast - forward, each day I ran with specific, measured, scientific dreams for money and power. My knees hurt but the dreams looked so real and close to a rainbow I could catch only if I ran a little faster. At the end of the day, I was tired but my eyes shone at the sight of brighter lights.

Each morning I ran like a man possessed - on beaches, hills, riversides, busy streets, highways and empty dirt tracks. I ran as a child runs after butterflies. And when the first signs of a slowing down appeared, I ran, chasing my youth that ran ahead of me, faster than me.

One day, tired and exhausted, I paused and heard a rumble behind me. I turned around and saw a storm on the horizon. It made me uneasy, anxious. It was a baffling storm, dark clouds, mingled with bright ones, there were demons and angels in it, there were flowers and thorns.

I was afraid of this storm. I started to run faster. The storm steadily approached me. I saw the senior runner and leveled up to him, running alongside. I told him about the approaching storm; he smiled. Was he not afraid? He said, “The storm has already overtaken me”. I asked again, “What is this storm called?” He smiled and told me, the storm is called “life”.

The storm hit me with a vengeance. Thrown off balance, I fell. I got up, walked a few steps and fell again; but stubborn as I am, I decided that come what may, I’ll run.

It was a foggy winter morning. As I ran up the hill, I saw the line of trees in the distance with the fog gently entangled in them. Effortlessly the sun rose in the horizon and the fog melted. The distant hills, the blue sky and the trees became clearer. The world opened out before me. The essence of the happening around me was effortless grace. The grace that comes with acceptance and giving, that very moment the understanding and healing in me had begun. In the light of the sun, I found my running become like the natural flow of water, all pain was lost and legs languidly followed the lie of the land. The morning sun lit up my face. The storm had overtaken me.

Now, as I run, I always see around me the garden full of flowers and butterflies. There is no youth running away from me in the distant horizon, nor anything following me.

All around me is the garden. I sometimes stand and, like a child, want to catch the butterflies but, somehow, just watching them is a dream come true.

And, yes! When the quiet of the morning knocks my slumber and when the world is asleep, I run. Quietly and at peace, I run.

**(Speaking Tree)

A Half-lived Life

2008-04-25T23:31:00.000+05:30

It was going to dawn. Adi had made a movement while sleeping.

‘He has learnt to dance like a bear’, Kuhoo told me last night. He had slept when I reached back home.

I looked at him for sometime. It’s a fantasy looking at a sleeping child. I saw the peace and the energy he had on his face. I don’t remember when I slept like him last time. It must be long back.

I got up finally and stood near the window. It was drizzling outside.

I remembered my small home town. How difficult it became walking on roads during rainy season; and those green trees and the color of sky. I don’t see those trees these days, and the sky, perhaps never.

Our life today is filled with immense opportunities and responsibilities. Today we all have a target to run against. When I was in school, I toiled to score good marks in board exams to get admission in a good college. Reached a college, but then someone told me not to pay much attention towards things those look interesting. Got a job, but then I had to work hard to learn ‘how to work’. And since then I am learning. The ‘target’ still eludes me.

During bygone years of ‘meeting the target’ I have lost track of sacrifices and of that much I already missed.

‘Pappa’, I heard. Adi was sitting on the bed and smiling. I spread my arms. He stood up and starting dancing. The bear dance.

He was very happy. He sees me everyday. But still he was happy just seeing me. I don’t think I will ever do that seeing anyone. I don’t think I will ever be happy like him either.

I decided I will follow Adi today. I decided not to see the clock. Not to pick up any phone. Like him I will look at every thing for a few seconds more than I normally do.

Rain has started. Adi was looking outside with increased interest, occasionally stretching his hands. ‘Don’t let him get wet’, Kuhoo spoke changing sides on the bed.

I came out with Adi. We stood near a small verandah. We could see and hear the splatter of raindrops. Adi was talking to me in his own words. Perhaps he was trying to convince himself that he doesn’t want to go out. But I surprised him. I left him free. He stood ahead of me for sometime and looked back.

‘Go ahead’, I smiled. He stretched his arm and started stepping ahead. Seeing that I am not stopping, he lifted his face started his bear dance in the rain. I kept looking at him. He giggled, danced and frolicked.

Most of us don’t know what we want. And those who know still keep themselves in shackles. Actually I too wanted to enjoy the rain like him but did not want to get wet as well. ‘Does it make any sense anyway’, I tried to reconcile. But finally I decided to follow Adi.

Stepping out, I too faced the raindrops on my face.

That was the moment after a long long time I found myself gripped with nostalgia of my childhood fun days. I too danced. Though, Adi was still the better of the two.

When we stopped, we found Kuhoo standing at the door and looking at us in disbelief. We had a small lecture session on why should we avoid catching cold, but we, the partners of crime only smiled looking at each other. Soon we were treated with an affectionate hug and hot soup.

That day, I watched my son through out the day. I realized what I miss everyday.

Indeed friends, most of us live a half-life without even realizing that there is just one life for each one of us. And there is nothing wrong or right, logical or illogical, stupid or wise till the time you don’t hurt anyone and are true to your emotions.

Be yourself.

** Kuhoo and Adi

2008-04-25T23:21:00.000+05:30

(....continued from previous post)

I was frozen. It was difficult to decide who I respected more. We pretenders learn some techniques, set some mindsets, declare ourselves logical, and through out the life live like a parasite. Our prayers remain self-centered, our laughs practised, our methods parasitical and still we are ‘Always correct’.

We reached the temple. I don’t remember what I prayed for. All my wishes were already fulfilled.

Evening fell among the mountains. On the way back with my pony, I heard the sound of bhajan slowly getting imperceptible with distance. That evening and that music stills remains somewhere within me.

May God bless you all.

2008-04-25T23:13:00.000+05:30

(....continued from previous post)

By next morning, rain had stopped. We saw the sun shining overhead for a promising day. “Jai Baba Bholenath”, the whole atmosphere were enchanted.

The main temple was 14 Km from that place, on a steep height. I decided to take Palki for Ma and Papa. I looked around.

A boy came and asked “Bhaiya, Palki karenge kya”? He was not more than 20. Came with him were other two boys of same age. I smiled. I could not believe that such tender boys can take papa on Palki for 14 Km climb to the temple.

“Tum log kaise lay jaoge”? I tried to shut up them. Looking straight into my eyes unfazed, the first boy replied, “We can take both of you (me and papa) together”.

A person with best reasoning abilities would have said the same that I had. But despite at my best judgment, they carried papa till main temple without even stopping once. We took ponies.

En route, I kept watching them. Definitely, our so-called reasoning has impeded the course of original abilities. We have used social scales to reason things and in this endeavor; we have always limited both our mental and physical abilities. We do not want to think beyond a point and hurry to declare various possibilities absurd or impossible.

My pony stopped for water. I gave her a pat. She responded with a jerk. “She
likes you”, said the pony-man.

Climb was steeper as we progressed. I saw the people around me, those Palki boys, dozens of ponies climbing, I saw how difficult was for those boys to step up, I saw pony sniffing more than once. I saw the main temple from a distance. “They are the true worshippers”. (...........contd.)

2008-04-25T22:59:00.000+05:30

(...continued from previous post)

“Come back monu. It is too late now”. This voice was usual when I played “eye-spy” with my friends in class two. Those evenings were beautiful. I always felt Mummy called me a little too early. And then I used to see other boys playing till dusk. “Why their Mom didn’t call them”. I used to think.

The sky lost its colour to darkness. Visibility slowly going down but my friends could still see the flying kites. Those were the frozen moments. They still appear in my mind. The garden, the houses, still appear on that canvas. The eternal evenings, affirming my presence.

It was dusk when Dipak stopped the car again. We were hungry. The place was called August-Muni. River Mandakini leveled the ground at that place. We ran towards the river. We sat there and had snacks.

Sitting on the bank of Mandakini River, I saw the canvas again. An eternal evening that I have seen since childhood. I was, and could be, only a silent spectator of the God who has always answered my prayers.

We resumed our journey. And reached Gaurikund aorund 5.30 p.m.

It was late evening by the time we could get a place to stay. We ate Aaloo parathas there; those were the tastiest parathas I had in recent times. It was raining heavily. I slept dreamless. (..........contd.)

2008-04-11T12:10:00.000+05:30

(Continued from previous post...)

I sat on a stone bench on the edge of the road. There was a humming sound of bhajans coming from nearby village. I felt I had been there for long. I have felt that moment more than once. Perhaps most of us have had; remember when you get up in quiet afternoons of Sundays after siesta and hear the sound of children playing in garden, the sound of vegetable vendors crossing your house, it’s the same sound. Sound of a distant music. Music that affirms we exist.

We ate Bhuttas and had Shikanji there and re-started the journey. Our aim was to reach Gaurikund, the origin of Mandakini River, by 5 p.m.

Dipak informed us about the weather. But the information was more of sort of warning that heavy rains may any time result into land slides and roads to Gaurikund will be blocked. The message was clear; we had to cut down such stoppages to minimum.

I decided to sit in front. From there started the journey among the scenic valley, breath-taking mountains and eternal waterfalls. We crossed Pipalkothi, Srinagar, and Rudraprayag and then headed towards Kedarnath. Bemused with the surroundings, I was again lost in thoughts. (....to be contd.)

Ancient Evenings and Distant Music

2008-04-10T17:17:00.000+05:30

We were crossing Hrishikesh, a small city near Dehradun, known for Lakshman Jhoola and Ram Jhoola and historically, known as the place where Shri Ram and Lakshman came for penance after Lanka war. It was an early morning. We were going to Kedarnath Dham.

“It’s going to be very cold here”, Papa said slowly, looking up at the dense black clouds. My parents had, for the first time, planned a trip among high mountains. I smiled back.

The Garhwal Himalayas surrounded us with enthralling views of the valleys, forests, butterflies and flowers. Countless exulting streams…could hear the silence surrounding me. We had got up early morning that day to start the trip. I dozed off.

I had taken a leave for 5 days from office. After spending a lot of time in the project, a strange ego had taken over me. I wanted my ordinariness back. More so, to convey the message, “I am not indispensable”. My trip to Kedarnath Dham was to restore an ordinary person inside me who had gradually lost in his own flamboyance.

I got up with the sprinkles on my face. It was drizzling and I had completed a power nap. We had reached near Dev Prayag the place of confluence of
Alaknanda and Mandakini, two tributaries of River Ganges. I found myself in a sea of mountains. I requested Dipak, our driver, to stop the car. My brother rushed out to take snaps. I too came out.

It was a lonely road. Occasional sound of cars blowing horns came from the valley. An eerie quietness ruled that place. (.........Contd.)